Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly-homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.
–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia
Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?
–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana
Overheard by: Breet
Guy: So how’s Bob?
Girl: He’s okay. They went in and found the tumor and took it out. They still need to do a biopsy to see what it is, but they think they got it all.
Guy: Yeah, but how is he?
Girl: He says he’s got a big headache.
Guy: Well, yeah, of course he’s got a headache!
Girl: Yeah, huh? The guy did just have brain surgery. But you know Bob. He was back in business on Friday, still selling herb, but now he’s got a patch on his head. “We gotta get back to normal!”
Guy: That’s a New York Jew for you.
Girl: You said it, not me.
–Coney Island, New York
Overheard by: Sunny Reiser
Man: … So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash… And I walked up to him and said, ‘Give me that goat!’
–Restaurant, Mammoth, California
Guy on cell: Yes, I'm on the beach. I told you, I'm in the Caribbean this week.
–Tobay Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: debbie downer
Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey
Guy #1: The only problem I have with [my Blackberry] is when I have to type in French.
Guy #2: Oh. My problem with typing in French is that I hate everyone that I’m addressing.
–Jones Beach, New York
Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you’re gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.
–Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Armando
