Drinking dude: He was a cool guy until he pissed in the closet.
–Long Beach, New York
Drinking dude: He was a cool guy until he pissed in the closet.
–Long Beach, New York
Girl #1: I get so many freckles in the sun.
Girl #2: Yeah, I am so going to get cancer in 2 years. I have so much sun damage.
Girl #3: Um, actually freckles just mean that your skin is working.
–Robert Moses Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: Jackie
Guido in wife beater and jeans halfway down his ass: Anal sex hurts me.
–Belmar, New Jersey
Bike kid #1: Where are you going? The girls are coming right back!
Bike kid #2: I’m going to get gum.
Bike kid #1 to bike kid #3: We’re never bringing him to fucking Wawa again!
–Cape May, New Jersey
Overheard by: DennyCrane
Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.
–Wildwood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Dan
Boy to girl, behind trees: I’m running out of things to put in there!
–St. George Island, Florida
Overheard by: Shocked and disturbed
Mom to 13-year-old son: What the hell is wrong with you? Were you born this stupid?
–Seaside Heights, New Jersey
Overheard by: bonzo
Beach patrol: Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to put on your top. This is not a “clothing optional” beach.
Man sitting with topless woman: Leave her alone. She is trying to get a full body tan.
Beach patrol: Sir, I think you are asking quite a bit from the sun.
–Fort Macon, North Carolina
Overheard by: El Gee
Chick: I don’t know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach… It’s all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They’re all staring at me and the water is so cold — you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home.
–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Underage girl: Oh, my God. Look at that guy. He’s so fucking hot.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oooh, nice. Maybe if you show him your boobs, he’ll buy you a drink?
Underage girl: You think so?
Mom: No way. You’re as flat as a surfboard. If you want that guy to buy you a drink, you’d have to do a lot more than show him your boobs.
–The Seafood Bar, The Breakers, Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: The JAP
