Gripes

Teen boy, to anorexic teen girl #1: Why do you keep your phone in your thong?
Anorexic teen girl #2: Well, where else is she going to put it? She has no boobs.

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sam

Girl #1: There are so many pale, fat guys here in Speedos.
Girl #2: It’s like they don’t care.
Girl #1: I know.
Girl #2: It’s so not like this in America.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Whiny little boy: Mo-ooom, it’s hot!
Mom: Stop that! Whining makes you hot.

–Isle of Palms, South Carolina

Overheard by: Laura and John

Woman: I am talking, and you are farting. That’s nice!

–Balmy Beach, Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: nfh

20-Something daughter: Dad! Hurry up and take the picture; mom’s pressing her boobs into my back!
Mom: I’m sorry! You suckled from these boobs, you know.
20-Something daughter: Well, clearly I quit for a reason.
Dad: Yeah. Because you were too tired of fighting me for them.

–Rehoboth Beach, Delaware

Overheard by: Kate

Sorority girl: He’s fucking GAY! How the fuck am I supposed to fuck a fucking gay guy?!

–Galveston, Texas

Jersey girl: Why do we have to be all ghetto and start stealing stuff when we have money?

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: alison

Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I’ve been laid, I’ve probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Walking by in disbelief

Chick #1: You were a complete whore last night.
Chick #2: Look who’s talking! Do I have to mention the time you let Derek go down on you?
Chick #1: Bitch! That guy over there can hear you!
Chick #2: So what?
Chick #1: Listen to how you’re talking about me and my brother. He’s gonna think I’m a complete skank!
Chick #2: I said Derek. He didn’t know who the fuck Derek was until you opened your fuckin’ mouth.
Chick #1: Uh, yeah, I guess you’re right…

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That guy over there

Dude: Hey, where do you girls go for fun? [They ignore him.] You’re just gonna ignore me? Not a ‘Fuck you’? Nothing? Bitch!
Chick: You kiss your dick with that mouth?

–Montego Bay, Jamaica