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Because Then Who Would Guard Our Ice Cream While We Stole New Towels?

Girl: I hope nobody stole our towels while we were stealing ice cream.

–Melbourne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ali and Livi

Tonight's Movie: When Harry Punched Sally

Boy: I think what you just said is racism.
Biotech: I’ll give you racism, you black bitch.

–Williamstown, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal

Can I Play with Them?

Young boy, to buxom woman: Are those balls in your bathing suit?

–Reservoir, Arlington, Massachusetts

Overheard by: TC Ledger

God: Who Are You Kidding? I Get This Stuff at Costco

Girl: It’s so nice out today. I love natural wind.

–Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lindsay

And Beginning to Regret the Decision to Have Children Late in Life

Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Think We Should Fly South with the Flock?

Bimbette to friend: Why is it so cold? It’s a beach!
Passerby: Yeah, a beach in November… Dipshit.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: dr. obvious

A Place and a Mental Defect

Woman #1: Is that a dead seal in the water?
Woman #2: Are you Canadian or just stupid?
Woman #1: I’m Canadian.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: uarerude

In the Ass

Sorority girl: He’s fucking GAY! How the fuck am I supposed to fuck a fucking gay guy?!

–Galveston, Texas

Tell You What: Give Your Money to Me, and Then You'll Have Genuine Motivation to Steal

Jersey girl: Why do we have to be all ghetto and start stealing stuff when we have money?

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: alison

I Hear That AIDS You in Your Pursuit of Contraception

Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I’ve been laid, I’ve probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper.

–Pismo Beach, California

Overheard by: Walking by in disbelief

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