Older lady #1: You know they have a hot stone massage?
Older lady #2: Really?
Older lady #1: Yeah! It sounds really nice.
Older lady #2: Maybe we should get them! Then we can get shirts that say “I got stoned in Miami”
Older lady #1, laughing: We could.
Older lady #2: No, but I actually want to get them and wear that shirt.
–Elemis Spa, Miami Beach, Florida
Mom to toddler: Do not take your bathing suit off! You can't walk around naked! We're not French!
–Ocean Beach, New Jersey
Middle aged woman: And, like, you can just tell he doesn't truly love her or respect her as a woman because he lets her go out like that. I mean, my husband will always tell me to put a t-shirt on under something that's too low-cut, 'cause he doesn't want anyone staring. Now he loves me.
–Malibu, California
Teen girl: My shorts are expanding like a tampon!
–Jones Beach, New York
Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!
–Hawaii
Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us
Mom to young son: You lost all your privileges when you peed in your pants.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Scott
Girl on phone: I have good news and bad news! The good news is I'm not pregnant. The bad news is I need new jeans!
–San Diego, California
Overheard by: Grossed out but laughing
Teen boy on beach, moving desperately: Holy fuck, there's something in my shorts!
Teen floozy in too-tight hot pink rubber bands: No shit, Sherlock. I was riding it last night.
–Tybee, Georgia
Overheard by: Sunbather pining for her girlfriend
White girl to black friend: Why do black people wear colored skinny jeans?
Black girl: So when it's dark you can see them.
–Tampa, Florida
