Age and ageing

Papi #1: Oh, he’s so nice! You know, he’s 36, but he doesn’t look any older than 34!
Papi #2: That’s hot.

Translated from the Spanish

–Miami Beach, Florida

20-something girl #1: So everyone thinks that Nate gave Aric that hickey last night when they were joking around in the kitchen, and Brandon is kinda mad now, he already told Nate not to give other boys hickeys anymore.
20-something girl #2: Oh, poor Brandon, why does Nate do that?
20-something girl #1: Oh, that so wasn't what I was talking about, Nate didn't even do it!
20-something girl #2: What? How else would Aric have gotten it then? After the kitchen thing we all went to bed, didn't we?
20-something girl #1: Yes…
20-something girl #2: Wait, where did Aric sleep last night?
20-something girl #1: Um.
20-something girl #2: It was you! You hickeyed Aric! What are you, twelve?

–Sauble Beach, Ontario, Canada

20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.

–Daytona, Florida

Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36

60-something naked man: Yeah, but he was born at a very young age too.

–Sunny Isles, Florida

Overheard by: Kris

Tan guy jogger listening to iPod, shouting: Happy birthday!
Fit lady jogger listening to iPod, shouting: Thanks!

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Overheard by: GGary

Little boy: That’s a man’s weak spot!
Father: I don’t care how old he is. If I were you, even if he were 18, I’d punch him!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: em-elia

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Stephanie Wall

70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?

–Palm Coast, Florida

Police officer: You’re under arrest for underage drinking in public.
American teen: But they’re from Canada, officer!
Police officer: Got any marijuana in your purse?

–Sandestin, Florida

Overheard by: proudcanadian