Age and ageing

Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.

–Wells Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Vee‐licious

Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.

–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Jinx

College girl: Stop hitting on the nine‐year‐old, and let’s leave!

–Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia

Trendy overdressed girl: Oh my god, did you see all those teenagers lurking outside? They think they’re so fucking cool! God!
Trendy overdressed guy: I know.
Trendy overdressed girl: It’s like, ever since we turned 20, I can’t believe we ever hung out with people like that.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: 22‐year‐old who’s glad she never hung out with either of them

Angry father, trying to climb into boat with son: Turn off the fucking engine, man! I’ve got a fucking five‐year‐old here! Jesus, use your fucking head!

–The Hamptons, New York

Dude #1: All I’m saying is, at some point she’ll be 23 and damn sexy.
Dude #2: You have a good point.

–Cupsogue Beach, Westhampton, New York

Overheard by: sas

Three‐year‐old girl, swaying her hips: Mommy, do I look like a teenager?

–Fire Island, New York

Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.

–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Beach Comber

Little boy, wearing a towel as a cape: I’m six! And six‐year‐old boys are full of poison! I’m gonna bite you! Rawrrr!

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lisita

Teen boy: Yo, you’re hot. How old are you?
Girl: Eleven. But I’m turning twelve in three days.
Teen boy: … Bye.

–Emerald Isle, North Carolina