Guy #1: So, I think I’m going to ask Catherine* to marry me next weekend.
Guy #2: Where you going to get married?
Guy #1: Does a man who’s about to jump off a building worry about where they’ll bury the body?
–Bobcaygeon, Ontario, Canadia
Overheard by: Keith
Grandmother: So you’re not in a fight anymore?
Little boy, hugging little girl: We’re gettting married!
Grandmother: But you’re cousins.
Little boy: No, I mean when we’re older.
Grandmother: But you’ll still be…Never mind.
–Ortley Beach, New Jersey
40-something woman: Yeah, I cook a lot of chicken. I like it baked or fried, but my husband likes when I jerk it.
–Pompano Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Nastyasha
Early 30s woman: I was feeling bad, like I wasn’t on schedule or something. Then I saw who she was marrying and I didn’t feel so bad.
–Lake Michigan, Illinois
Overheard by: Midwest Values
20-something daughter: She’s 23.
Middle-aged mom: Well, if she ain’t married yet, she ain’t never gonna be.
–Daytona, Florida
Overheard by: MAGICALLY engaged at 36
Woman on surfboard to another: And now my husband wants me to play with his balls while I'm giving him a blowjob. Who does he think I am? I can't even do this! (tries to pat head and rub stomach at the same time)
–Flat Island, Kailua, Hawaii
Overheard by: TheHammstr
Angry old lady in motorchair: Where the hell have you been?! I’ve been all over this side of the lake, on the ferry, to the other side and back across here lookin’ for you!
Bewildered old man in motorchair: I was over there lookin’ for you.
Angry old lady: Whatever! Just come on! [Speeds off.]Bewildered old man, scared: But wait for me!
–Epcot’s International Village, Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: bakerchica
Dude on cell: I don’t think the marriage thing is going to work… Why? Because I’m already married!
–Smith Point, Long Island, New York
Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina
