Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Elderly woman wearing metal curlers, on cell: So I was masturbating to Human Centipede the other day, and it occurred to me I haven't gone to mass in like, forever!
–Tampa, Florida
Flight attendant: Welcome to Acapulco, where the local time is party time.
–Plane Landing in Acapulco, Mexico
Black girl with southern accent: If the world ends it's dem negro's fault.
–Tampa, Florida
Girl (pointing to sign on lifeguard tower): Hah! I thought that said “Dying is dangerous and prohibited” for a sec.
Guy: You're crazy. It says “diving!”
Girl: (pause) I know. But.. oh, whatever.
Lifeguard: Yes–we have a very strict policy… No dying!
–Corona Del Mar Beach, California
Overheard by: Dee
Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!
–Pacifica, California
Overheard by: M.E.
Guy #1: He had his keys on the table, and a squirrel took 'em.
Guy #2: Hehehe!
Guy #1: A squirrel!
–Pacifica, California
Overheard by: M.E.
Teen girl to teen boy: Well, it ain't gonna lick itself!
–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Mother: Do you know how dogs introduce themselves to each other?
Eight-year-old daughter: No, how?
Mother: They sniff each other's butts.
–Guam
Overheard by: Nadine
Drunk girl: I think I am sexually attracted to fire.
Sober girl: Yeah…let me know how that goes.
Drunk girl: It burns, but I gotta admit I love the smell of burning pubic hair in the morning.
–Gold Coast, Australia
