Homeless guy to guy with extremely long hair: Oh my god! Is that hair real?
Guy with extremely long hair: Yes.
Homeless guy: Oh my god! I'm a midget!
–Santa Cruz, California
Homeless guy to guy with extremely long hair: Oh my god! Is that hair real?
Guy with extremely long hair: Yes.
Homeless guy: Oh my god! I'm a midget!
–Santa Cruz, California
Adorable niece: I can see your wiener because I have X-ray vision!
–Corral Cabana Club, Tampa, Florida
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Obnoxiously drunk ho as she leans on bro for support: Don't even think about thinking!
–Pacific Beach, San Diego, California
Chick #1: So, yeah, he's still fuckin' with me… But not fucking fuckin' with me. Just with my head.
Chick #2: Oh, so he's not using his head to fuck with you. Just his other head?
Chick #1: Yep. You got it. It's a head fuck without the head.
Chick #2: Must be painful.
Chick #1: You don't fuckin' know the half of it.
–San Rafael, California
Overheard by: Head Games Suck, Or Not
Trailer trash girl: Daddy, should I put this in the toilet or hang it on the wall?
Dad: In the toilet, of course!
–Martha's Vineyard, Massachusetts
Little boy to friend: You wouldn't even know about Jesus if it wasn't for me!
–Wild Wood, New Jersey
Overheard by: Andie
Drunk girl to another: Where did you get this thing? The ridiculous… Things… Store?
–Carnival Cruise, Carribbean
Woman with three-year-old boy: Dude, you are freaking mommy out!
–Beach 6, Presque Isle, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kat
