Doctor: This woman came into the ER the other day who had cut herself on the forehead, but instead of using a towel or something to stop the bleeding, she wrapped her head up like seven times with duct tape.
Dork: Holy shit! How did you get it off of her?
Doctor: We had to cut it off in little strips. She looked like a Hershey’s Kiss.
Dork: What, you mean she was black?
Doctor: Yes!
–Crane Beach, Massachusetts
Incredibly preppy college student: Oh my god! We're on the bus! This is where the magic happens!
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: Bemused High School Student
Man to friends: He's a pyromaniac from way back.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Bonnie
Little girl voice: Get a flame thrower! (a few minutes later) Firegirl gets iced!
–Oceanside, California
Overheard by: What goes on in my neighborhood?
Fat blubbery man to wife: C'mon already! Let's go in the water–I gotta take a piss!
–Caribbean
Overheard by: Grossed Out
Grandma: So aren't you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.
–Fort Lauderdale, Florida
20-something college guy: So he was getting the anal beads pulled out, coming at the same time, and he shat all over this girl’s couch.
20-something college girl: Well then what did he do?
20-something college guy: I dunno, he probably wiped his ass and left…
–Casino Beach, Pensacola, Florida
