…I'm Writing a Letter to My Congressman.

Young 20-something guy, while texting: Is tranny spelled with one “n” or two?

–Ferry, Fire Island, New York

It's in the Fine Print on the Coppertone Label

Guy: Yo, where's that sunscreen at?
Girl: You don't need any sunscreen, we're black, we have a natural SPF factor of 8.

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: KL

Girl looking for spot to lay down with family: Can we not go where there are so many shells?

–Point Lookout, New York

Overheard by: Rachel

Queer: Josh! If you don’t put your ass away right now, I’m gonna fuck it!

–Fire Island Pines, Brookhaven, New York

Overheard by: Your Buddy in Blue

Girl #1: I'm a literalist. If you say something to me, I'm going to take it literally. I'm also not a kidder. I do not kid.

–Coney Island, New York

Woman, to young son: No, honey, mommy has two attorneys.

–Brighton Beach, Brooklyn, New York

Overheard by: Lotte

Four-year-old to 12-year-old: You come over here every single day. No one likes you. Go back to your own camp.

–Lake Champlain, New York

Frat boy to buds: Dude, strippers look a lot different once you get them home.

–Grafton Lakes State Park, New York

Little boy: Daddy, look what I found in the sand!
Father: Don’t touch it. I don’t know what it is, but don’t touch it.

–Jungle Gym, Coney Island Beach, New York

Dumb girl talking to small group of friends: Only famous people use Twitter.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Janelle