Animals

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Drunk college boy: Come get drunnnk!
Sober college girl: Nah I have a massive exam tomorrow, I gotta study.
Drunk college boy: Study… Like a fish.

–Gold Coast, Australia

Fisherman #1, watching freshly caught ray: What is that?!
Fisherman #2: It's some kind of mutant fish!

–Tip of Steeplechase Pier, Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Liam

A dog is humping a newlywed’s leg.

Mother-in-Law: Oh my God, don’t move. I have to get a picture of that!
Son-in-Law: Um…
Mother-in-Law: Okay, I’ve got the camera. Hump away, Curley!

–Lake Superior

Little girl to parents: That octopus has lots of testicles!

–Apollo Bay, Victoria, Australia

Little girl: Mummy, mummy, look! It’s a shark!
Mum: No, sweetie, that’s Grandpa.

–Caloundra, Australia

Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: K

Walrusy pink tourist mom, juggling McDonald's bags and towels: Are those seagulls following us?
Dancing pink tourist toddler: I want hanka burger and French-ah fries!
(seagulls swoop over them, attacking the bags)
Dancing pink tourist, shrieking: Oh my god! My French-ah fries!

–St. Peterburg Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Guy to girl: I have a wiener dog that is a pain in the ass!
Girl: Is that supposed to be a pun?

–Tampa, Florida

Drunk guy to others: Imagine how long it would take to fuck a spider. It would take ages!

–Dunedin, New Zealand