Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
Kid #1: Wanna make a sand castle?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go swimming?
Kid #2: I don’t like you.
Kid #1: Wanna go eat ice cream?
Kid #2: Wanna go die?
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Mandy
Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.
–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan
Crazy bag lady: I’m Ozzy’s mommy!
Queer: No, you’re not! You’re a fucking gross woman who carries around used clothes and a knapsack full of tissues! Plus, Ozzy sucks!
Crazy bag lady: Fag!
–St. Petersburg, Florida
Teenage girl: Aw, look at the little kid. He’s digging a hole to nowhere. How cute!
Teenage boy, completely serious: He’s digging to China, you stupid bitch!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Marie
Teen boy: Fucking faggots!
Queer: How can he tell I’m gay?
Lesbo: How can he tell I’m a lesbian? What, do we exude a flamboyantly‐homosexual aura or something? Fuck, we’re cuddling with a member of the opposite gender, and people still know we’re gay! Damn, it’s like P.E. class all over again.
–Delta, British Columbia, Canadia
Girl #1: That motherfucker is totally going to hit us with his ball.
Girl #2: Assholes… They just don’t know how to act.
Girl #1: Yeah, man. Shit, where’s my top?
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Girl: Am I going to have big boobs?
Flat‐chested mom: Um, probably not.
Girl: But boys like big boobs!
Flat‐chested mom: Only dumb boys do, because only dumb girls have big boobs.
Girl, after thinking for a minute: Grandma has huge ones.
Flat‐chested mom: Oooh, look at the pretty birds!
–Panama City Beach, Florida
Atheist: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear … ” (pause) Wow! I have no idea where that came from.
Bible‐lover: Actually it’s from the Bible: John, chapter 4, verse 18.
Atheist: Oh, fuck! Man…
–Hanover Beach, Indiana
Overheard by: triz3en
Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
Friend: Mmm! Sharice, that smells good! What’d you spray?
Sharice: Girl, it ain’t no spray.
Friend: What is it?
Sharice (very loudly): Mah pussayyy, bitch!
–Long Beach, New York
Overheard by: Suzanne
