You Know — He Was Married to Florence Henderson, Had Six Kids and a Maid…

Girl #1: And so I told him, ‘You don’t really look Tom Brady.’ And he was like, ‘Yeah, I’m hotter than he is.’ Yeah, this is why I don’t usually listen to him talk.
Girl #2: Oh, I know. He’s retarded, but he’s such a nice piece of ass.
Girl #1: Definitely. But I’d still take Tom Brady any day, right?
Girl #2: Wait, didn’t they replace him?
Girl #1: He’s one of their best players! Why would they do that?
Girl #2: The news anchor? Who are you talking about?
Girl #1: You mean Tom Brokaw?
Girl #2: Oh. Who’s Tom Brady?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Mary

Posted on November 18, 2023
Compliments, Girls, Insults, Names, Physical Appearance, Sex, South Carolina, Stupidity

In Fairness, He Hasn't Fucked the Babysitter Yet

White trash mother to crying infant: Would you stop being such an asshole? Jesus, you’re just a selfish bastard like your father.

–Scarborough Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: girl in bikini pretending to read

Posted on November 16, 2023
Family, Gripes, Insults, Moms, Rhode Island, White trash

And You Weren't Even Drunk at the Time?? Blasphemy!

Teen: You guys went to bed at 11:30, what's wrong with you?

–Beach Lake, Pennsylvania

Posted on November 7, 2023
Gripes, Insults, Pennsylvania, Questions, Teens

You Should Take It Through the Carwash Today

Teen boy on beach, moving desperately: Holy fuck, there's something in my shorts!
Teen floozy in too-tight hot pink rubber bands: No shit, Sherlock. I was riding it last night.

–Tybee, Georgia

Overheard by: Sunbather pining for her girlfriend

Posted on October 22, 2023
Clothes, Georgia, Insults, Teens, Weirdness

One Expects Better Of Florida White Girls

Teen girl #1: Ew! I didn't even know they had movies like this here!
Teen girl #2: What? Wedding Wars?
Teen girl #1, whispering: It's a gay movie! It's all about gay people!
Teen girl #2: Is not! It's just a comedy! (picks up the case and flips it over)
Teen girl #1: Oh my god! Put it down!
Teen girl #2: You're such a racist.

–Blockbuster, New Tampa, Florida