Guys

Hippie guy: I’m not against chickens!!…Look, I’m not against chickens.

–North Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Schwab

Guy: And the guy is complaining about the price of birth control! “Forty dollars?” he's saying… “For that price, I'd rather have a baby!”

–Long Beach, Long Island

Overheard by: Colleen

Boy with pretty eyes: So I told her “porch monkey” is a racial slur.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yeah?
Boy with pretty eyes: And she says she doesn't know anybody named Rachel.
Girl with squinty eyes: Yes she does, her cousin's name is Rachel.

–St. Pete Beach, Florida

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Dude: I didn’t steal the Bentley. I hijacked it.
Girl: [Slaps him.]

–Oean Isle, North Carolina

Young guy in floral: Are you supposed to wear underwear under these things?
Friend in plaid: I mean, you don't have to… but I do.

–Robert Moses, Long Island, New York

Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Stephanie Wall

Jogging man to jogging woman: I still have a jiggling six-pack.

–English Bay, Vancouver, Canadia

Overheard by: if it's jiggling, it ain't no six-pack

Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I’m not gonna eat your pussy tonight.

–El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico

Chubby man, kicking around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sorry.
Chubby man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on accident. My wife’s gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven’t seen any keys, unfortunately.
Chubby man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box anywhere?

–Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Responsible Tourist