Compliments

They're Trying to Imagine a Black Dude, Obviously

Queer #1: Charles, look, there’s another one. He’s white, and the other looks Asian.

Holds up large signs that say “6” and “4,” respectively.

Queer #2: Definitely!
Queer #1: Oh, wow. Look at this one. Latino. Yummmm!

Holds up sign that says “9.”

Queer #2: Oh, yes. Totally!
Straight girl, walking by: What are you two doing? Comparing guys’ looks?
Queer #1: Uhh…
Queer #2: Breeder, please. The Asian guy is a 4, the white guy is a 6, and the Latino guy a 9. What do you think we’re trying to imagine?

–Sunset Beach, Florida

Overheard by: MangoJoe

Just Like Last Night!

Guy, reading back of girl’s shirt, which says “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”: I love that t-shirt! 5 cocks!

–Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom Johnson

The House Used to Belong to a Black Man

Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks… Oh, you said ‘deck.’

–Topsail Island, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jim

Right Where You Belong: My Heart

Drunk guy, plopping down on lounge chair: Oh yeah!

Burly man passed out next to him starts to wake up.

Drunk guy: You are a sex machine!
Burly man: What? Where am I??

–Pool bar, Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Girl on nearby lounge chair

And Me with Only Two Hands

Small boy gazing in awe: All the tooshie…

–Caroline Bay, Timaru, New Zealand

Overheard by: [LadyFlash]

God: Who Are You Kidding? I Get This Stuff at Costco

Girl: It’s so nice out today. I love natural wind.

–Hilton Head Island, South Carolina

Overheard by: Lindsay

Where Does Being a Member of an Obsolete Sub-Culture Rank?

Jock #1: So I heard about this champion high school wrestler on Real Sports who has no legs.
Jock #2: That’s awesome. Good for him. I never won a championship in high school.
Punk, walking by: You know what’s better then being a state championship wrestler with no legs?
Both jocks: What?
Punk: Having legs!

–Pearl Street, Beach Haven, New Jersey

Overheard by: andrew dean

Oddly, She Also Says This During Cunnilingus

Obnoxious blonde instructor to riding student: That was beautiful! It looked like water ballet!

–Horse Show, West Palm Beach, Florida

The Smiths' Early Forays Into Swinging Were Clumsy and Ineffectual

World’s best wife: Honey, twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: Huh? No, it’s not. It’s two-thirty.
World’s best wife: I mean twelve o’clock.
Clueless husband: I don’t get you.
World’s best wife: Look straight ahead.
Clueless husband: Why?
World’s best wife: Look at the hot chick right in front of you! Look! Look!
Clueless husband: Oh!…Niiice.

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Without Big Boobs, You're Gonna Need a Lot More Than Water Tricks

Tween girl: Look I can float, and I don’t have big boobs!

–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Jenn

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