Compliments

Drunken man, hitting on woman: Your eyes melt the elastic band in my swim trunks!

–Grand Beach, Manitoba

Overheard by: Tanning @ The beach

Mother, dressing son: Wow, your hair dried gorgeously! You’re such a Jew.

–Cape Henlopen, Delaware

Overheard by: KDP

Black chick walks by two white guys on the beach.

White guy #1: She is pretty hot. I’m gonna go talk to her.
White guy #2: Chicks like that always have some huge black dude waiting to beat your ass for looking at them.
White guy #1: I can tell she dates white men.
White guy #2: How?
White guy #1: Her tits are fake.

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: PS

Black thug: Look at the tits and ass on that one.
White girl to friend: I think he thinks ’cause he’s speaking gangsta I can’t hear him.

–Hamilton Beach, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Steph

Girlfriend: Some of my favorite times are lying on the beach with my head in your lap.
Boyfriend: Yeah, a lot of my favorite times involve your head in my crotch, too.

–The Point, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Greg P

Little girl to her mother: I spy something pretty!
Teenage girl, looking the mirror: It’s me.

–Public restroom, Atlantic Beach, North Carolina

20-something guy, screaming to total stranger: My dick is, like, totally swollen, bro!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Nic

Queer #1: Charles, look, there’s another one. He’s white, and the other looks Asian.

Holds up large signs that say “6” and “4,” respectively.

Queer #2: Definitely!
Queer #1: Oh, wow. Look at this one. Latino. Yummmm!

Holds up sign that says “9.”

Queer #2: Oh, yes. Totally!
Straight girl, walking by: What are you two doing? Comparing guys’ looks?
Queer #1: Uhh…
Queer #2: Breeder, please. The Asian guy is a 4, the white guy is a 6, and the Latino guy a 9. What do you think we’re trying to imagine?

–Sunset Beach, Florida

Overheard by: MangoJoe

Guy, reading back of girl’s shirt, which says “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”: I love that t-shirt! 5 cocks!

–Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom Johnson

Lady: You have an awfully long deck.
Homeowner: Thanks… Oh, you said ‘deck.’

–Topsail Island, North Carolina

Overheard by: Jim