Mother: Go play with the other kids.
Little boy, reading comic book: I don't want to.
Mother: You're going to have fun! Mike, there's no “i” in “team”!
Little boy: No, but there's an “m” and an “e.”
Father: Well, shit! My kid's smart!
–St. Augustine Beach, Florida
Overheard by: nicky
A dog is humping a newlywed’s leg.
Mother-in-Law: Oh my God, don’t move. I have to get a picture of that!
Son-in-Law: Um…
Mother-in-Law: Okay, I’ve got the camera. Hump away, Curley!
–Lake Superior
Jock #1: Woah! I am so down for some volleyball!
Jock #2: Bocce ball!
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
Jock #2: Man, I feel like a kid in a candy store… Yo, I am so into this bocce ball.
Jock #1: Bocce is huge.
–Dr. Gravity’s Kite Shop, Harwichport, Massachusetts
Overheard by: jon wazoo
Girl: They look so much bigger when you’re on your knees!… Um, I meant the waves.
–Loon Point, Summerland, California
Overheard by: likes big waves
Guy holding up little wooden container: We could get this for Bill.
Girl: Oh! For his pot!
Guy, looking over girl’s shoulder at elderly woman behind her: … Or stuff.
–Labadee, Haiti
[Three ten-year-old boys cycling past the beach.]Boy #1: Why you going so fast?!
Boy #2: [Missing front teeth, which makes him lisp.] Becauth he wath fucking her latht night!
Boy #3: What?!!!
–Lake Calhoun Beach, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: They grow up quickly these days!
Sunbathing girl: Ahhh! Burning sensation!
–Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kristin
Mother to father: Oh my! Jerry, say something to that old man. His testicles are hanging out of his swimsuit.
Little girl: I have testicles. They’re in my mouth. [Opens mouth]Mother: Not tonsils. Testicles!
Father: Seven, and already MTV has ruined her.
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Overheard by: Book Reading Beach Bum
Hot tan girl reading specials board: Does that say tuna and Jews?
Hot pale girl: Um, no. That says “with chips.”
–Crazy Gringo, Weirs Beach, New Hampshire
