Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Chick #1: So, what happened to you last night?
Chick #2: Um, I died.
–The Coffeehouse, Manteo, North Carolina
Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina
Guy: Ouch! This sand is hot.
Girl: Where are your shoes?
Guy: Shoes? You don’t wear shoes on the beach. The sand feels too good to wear shoes.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Bill
50‐something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50‐something woman: Well, I don’t want the key lime pie, that’s fifth on a list of five options.
20‐something woman #1: Well, why don’t we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50‐something woman: I want everyone to eat what I’m eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20‐something woman #2: Oh my god. I’m leaving.
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
Lady to strangers: Sorry to ask you this, but my sons hate me and won’t touch me, so can you put some sunscreen on my back?
–Southern Shores, North Carolina
Dude: Yo, that guy’s Asian as hell!
–Nag’s Head, North Carolina
Overheard by: alxie
Girl: Well, you get like half his money when you divorce!…And he’s in med school now. Alls I’m sayin’ is you should wait a few years.
–Folly Beach, South Carolina
Young black male: Yo, I wish this was an urban beach. Like Chicago.
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Girl to friend: He was upset because she wouldn’t let him cum on her face!
–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina
Girl #1: What do you say when people ask about me?
Girl #2: “She’s a narcissistic freak.“
Girl #1: What kind of narcissist am I?
Girl #2: (stares blankly)
Girl #1: A pretty oneee.
Girl #2: You want me to lie to you?
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2: Just kidding – you’re not not pretty.
Girl #1: What?!
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: You’re saying I’m not ugly but I’m not pretty.
Girl #2: You’re in limbo between pretty and ugly, so being mean to me makes you ugly.
–Kure Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Bee
