Teen meathead #1: What are you?
Teen meathead #2: 100% Italian.
Teen meathead #1: Oh, really? That's mad cool.
Teen meathead #2: Yeah, but my brother is all different things–he's like Jewish and Irish and stuff.
–Lido Beach West, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: ally
Lifeguard: What happened to your toenail?
Little boy: A monster carried it off a while ago. Around kindergarten, I think.
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Super Sexy Woman
Drunk guy in line on cell: I don't see any rubbers here, so are you okay with “pull & pray?” (pause) You know I'm not gonna pull out, right?
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I really hope they don't procreate…
Drunk guy in line on cell: I don't see any rubbers here, so are you okay with “pull & pray?” (pause) You know I'm not gonna pull out, right?
–Dewey Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: I really hope they don't procreate…
Girl #1: Dude, my retainer smells nasty!
Girl #2: Just put a little bleach on it.
Girl #1: Wouldn't that kill me?
Girl #2: Yeah, but it will make your teeth whiter.
–Tampa, Florida
Vendor: Okay, here’s your small fries and Diet Coke. Will that be all?
Lady: That’s a Diet Coke, right?
Vendor: Right, I just poured it. Diet Coke.
Lady: You’re sure? Diet? Not regular?
Vendor: That’s right. It’s Diet Coke.
Lady: Because I’m pregnant and I don’t want to harm my baby, so I can only have Diet Coke until my due date.
–Garry Point, Richmond, British Columbia, Canadia
Overheard by: appalled customer waiting for fish and chips
Teen girl #1: Was he gay?
Teen girl #2: No, he was Mexican.
–Lavallette, New Jersey
Daughter, to mom: So how do you know when to just lay there and when to beat them off?
–Ocean Beach, San Diego, California
Delighted five-year-old: Mommy! Mommy! A fish!
Mom: What is it?
Delighted five-year-old: A fish! In the water!
Mom: Oh, you see a fish? Is he swimmin’?
Delighted five-year-old: No! He’s dead!
–Clove Lake Park, Staten Island
Boy #1: Are you gonna use your real age or your fake age?
Boy #2: I’m gonna say I’m 20.
Boy #1: Fuck that! I’m saying 17.
Boy #3: I’m so wasted I can hardly ride my bike.
–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Beach Comber
