California

Guy on cell: All you have to do is suck one cock and they’ll call you a cocksucker for the rest of your life.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Harell

Irritated mother: So, the dance is really just a DJ playing music for an hour, it's very informal.
Blonde teen: So, does that mean it's unformal?

–Huntington Beach, California

Overheard by: hahahahaha

Gangsta teen wannabe: Damn, son, check that ho!
Little brother: Which one?
Gangsta teen wannabe: The one with the splat-tat and the muffin top.
Little brother: Daaamn!
Gangsta teen wannabe: Maybe she’ll bend over and show some slut crack.
Mom, studying tourist info: What?

–Cannery Row, Monterey, California

Overheard by: gt6driver

Surfer: It’s questions like these that you have to look to the Bible for answers. Like, what would Jesus do in a line-up like this? He’d fuck people up, that’s what He’d do!

–Shell Beach, California

Overheard by: One of the masses in the line up

Girl, drinking spiked hot chocolate: Oh my god, it's like Jesus died in my mouth!

–Arcata, California

Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.

–Laguna Beach, California

Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!

–Discovery Bay, California

Skinny white guy: I think I need to go sit in the shade for a while.
Skinny less-white guy: What?! If you are going to talk crazy, I need you to be drunk.

–Will Rogers Beach, Santa Monica, California

Overheard by: Panda

Girl: They look so much bigger when you’re on your knees!… Um, I meant the waves.

–Loon Point, Summerland, California

Overheard by: likes big waves

20-something guy, imitating his girlfriend: Rub my back! Put your dick in me! Me, me, me!

–Santa Monica Beach, California

Overheard by: Diana