Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I’d totally stick drugs and shit up there!
–Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: I have one, but I don’t
Drunk teen guy: If I had a vag, I’d totally stick drugs and shit up there!
–Lavalette, New Jersey
Overheard by: I have one, but I don’t
Kid, looking out at the Atlantic ocean: Is that the ocean?
Dad: I think it’s one of the great lakes.
–Boardwalk, Atlantic City, New Jersey
Man in skirt to bald woman: Seriously… Marijuana‐fueled cars. It’d be great! Everyone would be high, and we’d have clean air!
–Avon, New Jersey
Overheard by: Tomatilla
Girl under umbrella: She said her two life goals are to grow a third arm and trip a cripple.
Mom (to friend): She’s a theater kid.
Friend: But still, I don’t see any reason to hurt a disabled person.
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Mary
Snack bar worker: Do you ladies need anything for your iced coffees?
Brunette 40‐something: I hate to be a pain, but do you have any skimmed milk?
Snack bar worker (returning): I’m sorry ma’m, we ran out of skimmed milk but I did find some fat‐free milk!
Brunette 40‐something: Oh, thank you so much. (turns to blonde friend) She was so sweet, I didn’t have the heart to tell her it’s the same shit.
Blonde 40‐something friend: It is?
–Manasquan Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Beach Bum
Girl #1: That motherfucker is totally going to hit us with his ball.
Girl #2: Assholes… They just don’t know how to act.
Girl #1: Yeah, man. Shit, where’s my top?
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Guy #1: Dude, but she is so annoying.
Guy #2: Yeah I know what you mean, but what else can you do?
Guy #1: I dunno, dude, but I’m not gonna take a shit on her. That’s freaking weird! I’m not into that!
Guy #2: Yeah, I guess.
–Manasquan Inlet Beach, New Jersey
Man: One small monkey bread, please.
Girl: What’s a monkey bread?
Man: I have no idea.
–Monkey Bread Café, Ocean City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Kristin
Girl: I’m such a Jew when it comes to…
Boy, exasperated: Why can’t you just say “frugal”?!
–Atlantic City, New Jersey
Guy: I don’t understand that song. I mean, how can hips not lie? That’s like saying, “my nipples don’t argue.“
Friend: Well, my cock never complains.
–Sandy Hook, New Jersey
Overheard by: raerae
