Compare and contrast

20-something girl: I can't believe I let my career go. I could have been the new Paris Hilton, but like Spanish. Caliente!

–Lincoln Woods State Park, Rhode Island

Girl on cell: Hey! I was wondering when you’re picking me up… Oh… Okay… Well, yeah, I’m not as exciting as getting fucked. I’d ditch me too. Okay, call me tomorrow!

–Queen’s Quay, Toronto, Canadia

Overheard by: Laura

Hot girl to extremely fat guy transfixed by her boobs: What, are you comparing size? Shape? Cause mine might not be as big as yours, but they're far perkier.

–Uvongo Beach, South Africa

Overheard by: dizziebean

Black woman to toddler running wild: Tyrone, get yo' black ass over here or I will spank you like a white man!

–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: White girl

Teen to friend: That boy doesn't know his bivalves from his crustaceans.

–Colonial Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: I love me some bivalves AND crustaceans

Boy: You should have come out last night! It was the best pub crawl ever!
Girl: Yeah? Which pub crawl was it?
Boy's girlfriend, unimpressed: It wasn't a pub crawl. It was just him… going to a lot of pubs… by himself.

–Gold Coast, Australia

Girl: The sign for “Ped Xing” is way too vague. Lots of words begin with “ped-“. It could very well be a pedophile crossing.

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Kelly

Husband, excited at seeing a washed up, dead whale: Carla? Do you remember how excited you were when you saw that deer? Well, wait ’til you see this!

–Fernandina Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Katred

Formerly smiling lifeguard: Great, I’ve got bird shit on me, and we have to listen to John Mayer!

–Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina

Kid #1: Hey -how you gonna go in the water, come back and be dry already?
Kid #2: Cause I’m black.
Kid #1: [Pause.] Hey, shut up.

–Brighton Beach, New York

Overheard by: Emily