Christ Returns in the Form of an Idiot, to Test the Compassion of the Modern Beach-Goer

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

–San Francisco, California

Posted on November 10, 2023
California, Comebacks, Default, Geography, Idiots, Strangers, Stupidity, Tourists

Raise Your Hand If You're Sick Of Eminem

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

Posted on October 3, 2023
Arts, Comebacks, Florida, Guys, Offers and requests, Women

There Are Children Going to Bed Sober in Africa

Husband: Babe, we need to pick up another 12 pack and then go get the kids.
Wife: Finish your beer first.

–Chick’s Beach, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Posted on October 3, 2023
Advice, Comebacks, Couples, Drinking, Drunks, Virginia

Loved the Clown Noses on the Nipples, by the Way

Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!

–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny

Posted on September 24, 2023
Comebacks, Cops, Default, Drunks, Girls, Hawaii, Physical Appearance, Rack

No, No, I Think Paranoid Jealousy is the Appropriate Reaction

Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: J.Tro

Posted on September 14, 2023
Comebacks, Girls, Gripes, New Jersey, Questions, STDs

I Did. You Look Fabulous.

Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don’t you just do what I did? Lie.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: JAP

Posted on September 5, 2023
Bathing suits, Comebacks, Compliments, Florida, JAPS, Lies, Skinny people, Violence

You Have Kids, You Mellow Out

Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Posted on September 4, 2023
Comebacks, Family, Florida, Girls, Gripes, Guys, History, Religion

I Have to Tell You, I Don't See a Downside to Any of That

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on August 6, 2023
Age and ageing, Comebacks, Creepsters, Crime, Default, Gripes, Guys, New Jersey, Physical Appearance, Rack

John Merrick Comes on Thursdays, Though. Come Back Then

Girl #1: That’s why I love the beach, there’s always someone in a bathing suit who looks worse than you!
Random beach dude: Sorry hun, today that’s just not the case.
Girl #2: Oh my god.

–Lake Ontario, New York

Posted on August 3, 2023
Assholes, Bathing suits, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Girls, New York, Physical Appearance

Or Whatever That Stuff in the Tortilla Is

Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I’m not gonna eat your pussy tonight.

–El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico

Posted on July 26, 2023
Comebacks, Couples, Creepsters, Eating out, Guys, Mexico, Vagina

Comebacks