Comebacks

Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?

–San Francisco, California

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

Husband: Babe, we need to pick up another 12 pack and then go get the kids.
Wife: Finish your beer first.

–Chick’s Beach, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!

–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny

Girl #1: But then I thought, ‘Why the hell would he kiss her when he has me?’
Girl #2: Uh, because of the herpes?
Girl #1: Fuck you.

–Cape May, New Jersey

Overheard by: J.Tro

Anorexic JAP #1: You look really good in that new swimsuit.
Anorexic JAP #2: I wish I could say the same to you, but you look a little pugdy around the hips.
Anorexic JAP #1: Why don’t you just do what I did? Lie.

–Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: JAP

Guy: And something else I’ve thought about: what happened to God in between the Old and New Testaments? He went from vengeful to merciful. It just doesn’t make sense.
Girl: He found God.

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Overheard by: Steve

Girl #1: That’s why I love the beach, there’s always someone in a bathing suit who looks worse than you!
Random beach dude: Sorry hun, today that’s just not the case.
Girl #2: Oh my god.

–Lake Ontario, New York

Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I’m not gonna eat your pussy tonight.

–El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico