Guy #1: What happened to the girl you were seeing in Phoenix?
Guy #2: She broke up with me because I had too much baggage.
Guy #3: Wait! Was that the anorexic/bulimic with depression that was hooked on painkillers and ecstasy?
Guy #2: Yep.
Guy #1: You ever fuck her while she threw up?
Guy #2: You’re a sick fuck. (long pause) Yeah.
Guy #3: There is so much wrong with this conversation.
–Pacific Beach, California
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year‐Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
Woman walker #1: I would never go out with him – his head is huge, his clothes are always wrinkled, and he doesn’t shower.
Woman walker #2: Ugh.
Woman walker #1: Besides, he smokes.
Woman walker #2: But you smoke, too!
Woman walker #1: I know, but I never date smokers.
–Lake Miramar, California
Overheard by: El Meech
Little girl: Do you have a boyfriend?
Older girl: Not right now.
Little girl: Do you kiss guys on the lips?
Older girl: Well…
Little girl: Do you kiss your dad on the lips?
Older girl: Not that I can remember, no.
Little girl: You don’t kiss your dad on the lips? I kissed mine on the lips this morning!
–Palm City, Florida
Overheard by: MBD
20‐something girl, talking about new guy she’s dating: Yeah, he’s kind of indie.
20‐something guy: So is his dick dark brown?
20‐something girl, after a long pause: Not Indian! Indie!
–Santa Monica, California
Overheard by: Josh M.
Girl: We need to date boys who are smart and rich. Our boyfriends are stupid and poor and don’t even have the same wireless provider as us.
–Laguna Beach, California
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Girl on cell: Sure, we can get together tonight… that sounds good… I won’t do that! Are you TRYING to put my vagina in danger?
–Rockaway Beach, Brooklyn, New York
Fat dude on awkward first date: Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t put ‘Let’s meet at Starbucks’ in my ad. ‘Let’s have a beer on the beach,’ you know?
Obese chick: Mmm‐hmmm.
Fat dude: So… You don’t drink?
Obese chick: Hm‐mmm.
Fat dude: So, it’s fair to say you have a problem with alcohol.
Obese chick: I don’t have a problem with it.
Fat dude, after long pause: So, what do you do? I mean, what other hobbies do you have?
Obese chick: I chew a lot of gum.
–Golden Gardens Park, Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Brooke
Man on cell: We met at a bar and went on one date… You don’t even know me! You haven’t even seen my MySpace page!
–Clearwater Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Greg
