Drunk girl, after hearing about a “promise statue”: I’ll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I’d lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!”
–Long Beach, California
Drunk girl, after hearing about a “promise statue”: I’ll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I’d lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!”
–Long Beach, California
Gent #1: I’m having troubles casting for this part.
Gent #2: I know the perfect girl, but she’s young. Only 17.
Gent #1: Hmmm… That’s too young.
Gent #2: Yeah, but you could fuck her mom.
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: Wanker
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20-something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I'm wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it's Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building's the one my buddy sold and now it's a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20-something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Sketchy salesman: Hey, pretty ladies!
American girls: [Ignore him.]Sketchy salesman: Stop being so American! That’s why you’re single!
–Playa del Carmen, Mexico
Overheard by: PlayaChicas
Magician to seven-year-old boy: Get your hands out of your pockets! God sees everything!
–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea
Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.
–Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida
Guy: Why did you tell *Veronica that I had a small dick?
Girl: Because you do.
Guy: You could have at least told her I know how to use it.
Girl: You don’t!
–Discovery Bay, California
Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?
–Santa Barbara, California
Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
