Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you’re gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.
–Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Armando
Guy: It smells like pussy out here!
Girl: It smells like you’re gonna have to find someone else to give your ass a ride home.
–Bixby Knolls, Long Beach, California
Overheard by: Armando
Fiftyish guy to wife: Just for that, I’m not gonna eat your pussy tonight.
–El Cid, Cozumel, Mexico
Drunk girl, after hearing about a “promise statue”: I’ll tell you what I would do if a guy gave me a promise statue! I’d lube that shit up and stick it up my vag!”
–Long Beach, California
Gent #1: I’m having troubles casting for this part.
Gent #2: I know the perfect girl, but she’s young. Only 17.
Gent #1: Hmmm… That’s too young.
Gent #2: Yeah, but you could fuck her mom.
–Malibu, California
Overheard by: Wanker
Dirty old man to visibly terrified 20‐something girl next to him: You know, as of today I am no longer on probation. Yep. You look good in shorts. I’m wearing pants cause I had to go to court today. (stops to make phone call) Hey, it’s Steven*! Not on probation anymore! (hangs up without saying goodbye, turns back to girl) Right over there is where I went to school. Ten years old, then I quit. Mom used to have a dry clean right over there. No more. Ya know, over that building’s the one my buddy sold and now it’s a Hard Rock Cafe. A Hard Rock Cafe! Some years ago I saw Peter, Paul & Mary there. Ya know them? I used to date Mary. Wanted me to go to [unintelligible] with her. Never been there to this day. Been to South America, Africa, all over! Never done go to [unintelligible]. Alright, well, take care! (he gets off bus)
No longer terrified 20‐something girl to random girl: He smelled like cocaine!
–Express Bus, Waikiki, Hawaii
Overheard by: mel
Sketchy salesman: Hey, pretty ladies!
American girls: [Ignore him.]Sketchy salesman: Stop being so American! That’s why you’re single!
–Playa del Carmen, Mexico
Overheard by: PlayaChicas
Magician to seven‐year‐old boy: Get your hands out of your pockets! God sees everything!
–Carnival Valor, Caribbean Sea
Creepster: Her dad says I’m too old to be hitting on a 13‐year‐old girl, so I do the math. But if you let them get their belly button pierced, they are going to get attention.
–St. Simon’s Island, Georgia
Overheard by: Dragoman
Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.
–Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida
Creepy guy: Yeah, so you’re Mormon?
Army guy: Yeah. I am.
Creepy guy: Good man, I respect that. I’m Italian and Irish.
–Ala Moana Beach, Hawaii
Overheard by: trying to tan
