Guys

Guy on cell: All you have to do is suck one cock and they’ll call you a cocksucker for the rest of your life.

–Venice Beach, California

Overheard by: Harell

Mechanic, returning car: I got a wireless cable.

–Wildwood Crest, New Jersey

Beach patrol: Ma’am, I am going to have to ask you to put on your top. This is not a “clothing optional” beach.
Man sitting with topless woman: Leave her alone. She is trying to get a full body tan.
Beach patrol: Sir, I think you are asking quite a bit from the sun.

–Fort Macon, North Carolina

Overheard by: El Gee

Chick: I don’t know why you wanted to come to a nudist beach… It’s all old, gay, wrinkled men here. They’re all staring at me and the water is so cold — you look teeny.
Dude: I know, I should have just had you walk around naked at home.

–Gunnison Beach, Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us

Guy #1: Wait… When are you getting circumcised, bro?
Guy #2: Tomorrow.

–Robert Moses Beach, New York

Old guy on oxygen: So, how many more beers can I have??

–Sandbridge, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Teenage boy: Well, last time I was here I got arrested…

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: arc

Tourist: Hey! You guys musta cleaned up real good after all the hurricanes last year. Everything looks brand new again.
Beach attendant: Excuse me?
Tourist: Yeah, you guys did a better job than all those FEMA guys in New Orleans.
Beach attendant: We didn’t get any hurricanes on the West Coast.
Tourist: You must have better levees here then.
Beach attendant: Yeah, we have Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, and the rest of California.

–Laguna Beach, California