Florida

Tan chick on towel: So, I was like, ‘And what about the donkeys? Like, do they enjoy sex like we do?’
Pale fat chick next to her: I would guess so. I mean, I had a friend who sucked one off one time, so why not?

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: …what?

Worried teen: Oh no! The janitor lady cleaned up my tooth!

–Howard Park Beach, Tarpon Springs, Florida

Overheard by: CorLiz

Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole.

–Rosemary Beach, Florida

Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal

Girl #1: Can you stop touching your junk in front of me?
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #2: Stop touching your junk!
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #1: Stop touching your junk!
Boy: I'm not touching my junk!
Girl #3: Can we touch each other's junk?
Boy, girl #1 and #2: What?

–Deerfield Beach
Florida

Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you – Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma’am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.

–Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: also waiting for elevator

Guy passing huge Jesus statue: I wanna fuck his stigmata.

–Lincoln Avenue, South Beach, Florida

Boy to girl, behind trees: I’m running out of things to put in there!

–St. George Island, Florida

Overheard by: Shocked and disturbed

Mother: Go play with the other kids.
Little boy, reading comic book: I don't want to.
Mother: You're going to have fun! Mike, there's no “i” in “team”!
Little boy: No, but there's an “m” and an “e.”
Father: Well, shit! My kid's smart!

–St. Augustine Beach, Florida

Overheard by: nicky

Stoner #1: Man I love NPR. That All Things Considered shit is so freaking good.
Stoner #2: I know, right? It’s like they don’t not consider anything.
Stoner #3: Ummm… Yeah, it’s exactly like that.

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That little broad

Girl #1: But you were dancing with that guy…
Girl #2: Which guy?
Girl #1: The guy with the hard-on.
Girl #2: Which one?

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Overheard by: Ladle