Threats

Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!

–Santa Monica, California

Woman #1: And I gave him the cheese. Then he said he'd kill me. And he told me exactly how he'd kill me.
Woman #2: That's horrible!

–Miami, Florida

Overheard by: …what?

Lifeguard, replacing new in-service flags: We should have flags with skull and crossbones on them. That way, when someone comes and asks what the flag is for we can say, “oh there's a 50% chance of a pirate attack, you probably want to leave the beach.”

–Huguenot Beach, Jacksonville, Florida

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I'll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Teen girl: I heard there are sharks in the lake.
Teen boy: That’s probably not true.
Teen girl: It’s true. Like, somebody got killed here by a shark.
Teen boy: I think you have upstate New York confused with anywhere with a shoreline.
Teen girl: But…
Teen boy: ‘But’-nothing if you wanna get fucked later.

–Lake George, New York

Angry woman: You touchin' my weave!

–Coney Island, New York

Fat tourist lady: So then he yelled “I'm going to poop on your chest, you'll see!”

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Captain K

Middle aged tourist yelling frantically to children in the water: Get out, get out! There's sharks!
Teenager with skimboard: Actually, those are a school of stingrays. They're quite harmle…
Middle age mother, cutting him off: Shaaarks! Get out now!

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Jonica Grompson

Little boy: I’m hungry.
Mother: Okay, we will eat in a few minutes.
Little boy: I want to cut your arm off!

–Blue Water Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lydia

British mother to young child: Either put it in your mouth or I'm giving it to charity!

–Miami Beach, Florida