Parent: Joshua, no! Don’t touch the sand! No! No! No! Put it down! Joshua! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: gunky
Parent: Joshua, no! Don’t touch the sand! No! No! No! Put it down! Joshua! Don’t touch the sand!
–Long Beach, California
Overheard by: gunky
Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!
–Playa Del Rey, CA
Black woman to toddler running wild: Tyrone, get yo' black ass over here or I will spank you like a white man!
–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California
Overheard by: White girl
Mother, to little boy refusing to wear swimmies: Fine, I guess you can go drown. Say bye bye to mommy. [Little boy breaks into hysterics.]
–Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Leigh
Mom: If you drown, I won’t save you. Don’t you dare get in that water!
Son runs into the ocean
Mom: Son of a bitch. He can’t swim, and my suit can’t get wet. Do I really have to choose, because this bikini was pretty damn expensive.
–Belle Harbor, Queens, New York
Hot girl to friend: No, no, my underwear comes home with me every time; my panties will be no one's trophy.
–Target, Huntington Beach, California
Overheard by: Candace
Outraged hippie chick: Someone drew a pentagram in my Zen garden!
–Seal Beach, California
Queer: Josh! If you don’t put your ass away right now, I’m gonna fuck it!
–Fire Island Pines, Brookhaven, New York
Overheard by: Your Buddy in Blue
Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you – Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma’am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.
–Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: also waiting for elevator
Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: John
