Outraged hippie chick: Someone drew a pentagram in my Zen garden!
–Seal Beach, California
Outraged hippie chick: Someone drew a pentagram in my Zen garden!
–Seal Beach, California
Queer: Josh! If you don’t put your ass away right now, I’m gonna fuck it!
–Fire Island Pines, Brookhaven, New York
Overheard by: Your Buddy in Blue
Puerto Rican princess: Hey! Hey, you – Mr. Captain or whatever.
Steward: Yes, ma’am?
Puerto Rican princess: Does this elevator go to the front of the ship?
Steward: Excuse me?
Puerto Rican princess: Where is the elevator that goes to the front of the ship?
Random passenger: Someone throw her overboard now and put her out of my misery.
–Caribbean Cruise, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: also waiting for elevator
Mom, trying to take a photo: Hug your sister or we're going home.
–Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: John
Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.
–Rockaway Beach, New York
Overheard by: Tigertail
Mom to screaming eight-year-old boy: I'm going to throw you in the pool if you don't behave.
Eight-year-old boy: Are you crazy? I'll get an ear infection!
–Resort Restaurant, Dominican Republic
Overheard by: Tanya from NY
Mom to three-year-old boy: Don’t you run into the ocean. It’s cold. If you start drowning, no one is going to want to come in and save you!
–Topsail Island, North Carolina
Overheard by: Eric
Hobo: Are you my girlfriend?
Girl walking by: No.
Hobo: I'mma piss on your shoe! I'mma piss on your shoe!
–Santa Monica, California
Lifeguard, replacing new in-service flags: We should have flags with skull and crossbones on them. That way, when someone comes and asks what the flag is for we can say, “oh there's a 50% chance of a pirate attack, you probably want to leave the beach.”
–Huguenot Beach, Jacksonville, Florida
