Advice

Mother to crying three-year-old: Billy, you need to work on your emotional fragility. Take a deep cleansing breath. You know, you are a sensitive and caring boy, and that's a strength. But right now it's a weakness and you need to stop it.

–Delaware

Frat guy trying to get to house behind closed gate: Dude, what the hell?
Teen girl on balcony across street: Boy, to open that gate you gotta' open yo' legs!

–Seaside, Florida

Young boy: Look dad, somebody dropped some peanuts.
Male surfer: Sir, I wouldn’t eat them, I think they came out of someone’s rear end.
Young boy: So these are ass nuts? Awesome!

–Florence, Oregon

Overheard by: Johm

Guy on cell: When the freeway ends, turn left…Yes, the freeway ends….Because the continent ends, dipshit.

–Hermosa Beach, California

Random passer-by: Have you seen Shark Week? I'm not going in there!

–Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Anna

Mom: Stop staring at that woman’s chest.
Tween boy: Dad said it’s okay to look as long as I don’t touch.
Mom: That’s why we aren’t married anymore.

–Jax Beach, Florida

Woman: Instead of saying hello, we should say heaveno. Hello gives Satan powers.

–Toronto, Ontario

Overheard by: $ue

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?

Little girl walking along shore doesn’t look at him.

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?!

Little girl looks at boy but continues walking.

Little boy: What’s your name?! What’s your naaaaame?!
Mother of girl: It’s Jade.

Mother whispers to girl and points in boy’s direction, but girl continues walking in other direction.

Surfer dude: Yeah, kid, you can only expect more of that as you get older.

–Pomano Beach, Florida

Kid #1: Mama, have you seen the bad guy?
Mom: Not today.
Kid #1: Is he here?
Mom: I don’t think so, no.
Kid #2: Where is he?
Mom: Well, if you don’t look for him, you’re not gonna find him!

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Jessica B.

Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy's gonna be at the bar.

–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida