Advice

Guy to date: Careful, you're about to spill that soda on yourself.
Girl: Yeah. Well hey, what's one more liquid splashed all over my body today?
Guy: Uh… What?
Girl: Oh. Uh… what?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: tner

Woman: If you get pulled out by a rip tide you shouldn't even bother to fight it, right? Because you're already dead.
Man: She's giving herself a pep talk.

–Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: beach comber

Hot chick: Like, oh my god, Sarah — just Google ‘How an ugly girl can seduce a hot guy.’
Ugly chick: What’s so good about Google anyway?
Hot chick: Like, oh my god — it’s like, well… Google!

–Glenelg, Australia

Husband: Babe, we need to pick up another 12 pack and then go get the kids.
Wife: Finish your beer first.

–Chick’s Beach, Virginia Beach, Virginia

Overheard by: Mike

Tween: The cute ones are not nice, the nice ones are not cute, and the cute & nice ones are gay.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: Trixie

Concerned granny: You have to get a fruit and a vegetable.
Porky grandson: Candy corn is a vegetable!

–Buffet Restaurant, Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Four-year-old boy, winding up long conversation: And so that's why spiders live in your eyeballs. They play in the blood and love to drink dirty water. (pause) Can I have a snack?

–Santa Barbara, California

Little boy: That’s a man’s weak spot!
Father: I don’t care how old he is. If I were you, even if he were 18, I’d punch him!

–Belmar, New Jersey

Overheard by: em-elia

Guy to son, pouring Hawaiian punch into kids cup: Boy, you gonna be pissin' tonight!

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Sandwich

Girl #1: Ew, don’t swim in the water.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: ‘Cause fish have sex in it. Do you want to swallow fish sperm?

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Izzie