Advice

Girl #1: Ew, don’t swim in the water.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: ‘Cause fish have sex in it. Do you want to swallow fish sperm?

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: Izzie

Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.

–Charlestown, Rhode Island

Woman: I really hate diets. I mean, I guess I could start smoking. But isn’t that bad for your lungs or something?

–Santa Barbara, California

Overheard by: something like that

Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?

–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana

Overheard by: Breet

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I’ll never swim again

Mother: Remember: when you have to use the bathroom at the beach, you go in the water, right?
Toddler: Okay, mommy.

–East Hampton, New York

Overheard by: I’ll never swim again

Teen boy #1: I think those girls look 14.
Teen boy #2: No, dude, they gotta be 16.
Teen boy #1: I am telling them I am 20.
Teen boy #2: I am 17.
Teen boy #1: No, dude, you got to use your fake age.
Teen boy #2: Man, that’s why you got game.

–Foster Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Jinx

College girl: Stop hitting on the nine‐year‐old, and let’s leave!

–Grand Bend, Ontario, Canadia

Asian guy: We should get some fish and chips.
Asian girl: Ooh, I love tartar sauce. It’s my favorite continent.
Asian guy: What?

–Steveston Pier, Richmond, British Columbia

Girl #1: How do my boobs look?
Girl #2: Like oranges. Seriously, you need to quit that fake tanning shit.
Girl #1: Suck my dick. 

–Ocean City, Maryland