Arts

Female snowbird: Conch fritters? What’s conch?
Male snowbird: Didn’t you read Lord of the Flies? You need the conch shell to talk.
Female snowbird: You want me to eat a ceremonial shell?

–Frenchy’s, Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: sarah d.

Skater punk to another: Dude, seriously, fuck Picasso.

–Venice Beach, California

Nerd, to blind date: And the best part about this guy is that he’s half man, half rat, and he’s living in a WOOD ELF society!

–Steak ‘n Shake, Palm Beach, Florida

Chick, passing another reading Brave New World: That girl was reading a book about Columbus, I think.

–East Matunuck State Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: it's got a Savage, but no Columbus

20-Something girl #1: Yeah, I fell asleep. It was a stupid movie! And that guy with the squid on his face, who was he, Medusa?
20-Something girl #2: You mean Davy Jones?
20-Something girl #1: Yeah. And I was like, what about The Monkees?
20-Something girl #2: There weren’t any monkeys.
20-Something girl #1: You’re too young to remember the Sixties. Davy Jones was in the Monkees.
20-Something girl #2: Um, Davy Jones the pirate came first. Haven’t you ever heard of Davy Jones’s locker?
20-Something girl #1: I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.

–Craigville Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Stoner #1: Man I love NPR. That All Things Considered shit is so freaking good.
Stoner #2: I know, right? It’s like they don’t not consider anything.
Stoner #3: Ummm… Yeah, it’s exactly like that.

–Clearwater Beach, Florida

Overheard by: That little broad

Duke guy: Have you read Rebecca?
Duke girl: Of Sunnybrook Farm?

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Sweaty dude on boardwalk: I wrote a poem the other day. Wanna hear it?
Sweaty female companion, jogging away: Aw, hell no!

–Tampa, Florida

Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.

Mom walks over.

Mom: What is it?

–Popham Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Fitzy

Girlfriend: It’s so beautiful here in Cape Cod. Wasn’t David Copperfield set in Cape Cod?
Boyfriend: Wait? You mean like the magician?

–Ferry to Nantucket, Massachusetts

Overheard by: JFN