Queer: He looks so elegant, even when he’s not in drag!

–Provincetown, Massachusetts

Overheard by: DJ Oakes

Seven-year-old girl with net, shouting to friend and running to the water: Come on, Meghan! This is a humongous scientific emergency!

–Wellfleet, Massachusetts

Drunk guy: If my life is their vacation, then why am I fucking broke, eating raw Ramen noodles for dinner, sleeping on the beach with the seagulls every fucking night?

–West Dennis Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: rob

Small girl: I want to see a penis.
Father: What?
Small girl: Mommy said we go to the beach to see lots of penises because there are none at home.

–Nauset Beach, Eastham, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Total Observer

Local guy: Ted Kennedy hit my car and just drove off. But, you know, that guy’s always been so arrogant.

–Nantucket, Massachusetts

Guy on cell: That was the first time I shit my pants in a while!

–Salem, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Laura Wilson

Woman #1: Italian men make the best lovers.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: They have lots of stamina. They last longer and their penises are bigger.
Woman #2: What’s the opposite of that?

–Wellfleet, Massachusetts

Girl #1: What did you do to get community service?
Girl #2: My cousin set me up with this guy. She said “he's cute, he 18.” He was 15.

–Nahant, Massachusetts

Teen #1: Get out of the street! There’s a car coming.
Teen #2, not moving: I don’t care.
Teen #3: God, you’re so emo, it’s ridiculous.

–Rockport, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Avery

Big burly tattooed Bostonian man: They found 'em in Jersey and Lake Michigan.

–Cape Cod Beach, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Nancy and Andrea