Girls

Girl #1: We need shade. I don't want to get burned.
Girl #2: Wha'd she say?
Girl #3: She says she's gonna be a little bitch.

–Playa Mia, Mexico

Overheard by: Peeto

70-year-old man at bar: I got prostate cancer back in the day, so I can lick 'em, but I can't dick 'em.
Almost legal girl: Oh? (laughs)
70-year-old man: You're very well-built for your age. (stares at girl's breasts) You wanna play pool with me?

–Palm Coast, Florida

Chick #1: You know what would be the hardest job in the world?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: To emcee a fashion show. Oh my god, that must be so hard.
Chick #2: Oh, yeah.

–Capitola, California

Girl to friends: You know what tastes great? Scrambled chicken abortions…

–Tampa, Florida

Girl #1: What did you do to get community service?
Girl #2: My cousin set me up with this guy. She said “he's cute, he 18.” He was 15.

–Nahant, Massachusetts

Ditz: Do you still tan if you don’t lie down?

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: the imbiber

Boundary-Conscious chick: Oh my God, why is that seagull here? I thought this was a private beach!

–Westhampton Beach, New York

Blond overtanned guy: Wow, I would rather like to be laying on the beach in Spain right now!
Blond overtanned girl: Yeah, and we could like drive down to Mexico and stuff!
Blond overtanned guy: Hmm…no. You don't drive down to Mexico from Spain…
Blond overtanned girl: Oh! Wrong direction? Is it to the left?

–Nauthólsvík Beach, Iceland

Overheard by: the guy who wishes he wasn't blonde

Sober girl in crowded bar: I forgot what assholes people are.

–dive bar in Santa Cruz

A+

Girl with textbook: What’s the capital of the United States?
Boy: Washington, DC?
Girl with textbook: How many eggs to a dozen?
Boy: 12?
Girl with textbook: Where are the Jews?
Boy: Long Island?

–New York