Assholes

Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.

–Ferry Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

Floridian: So, what do you think of Ft. Meyers?
New Yorker: Oh, it's charming.
Floridian: Big word, city girl.

–Ft. Myers, Florida

Dude: Hey, where do you girls go for fun? [They ignore him.] You’re just gonna ignore me? Not a ‘Fuck you’? Nothing? Bitch!
Chick: You kiss your dick with that mouth?

–Montego Bay, Jamaica

Fat guy to wife who’s sunbathing on her stomach: Wow. You need to shave — you got some wild, stray hairs back there.
Wife: Say it louder, asshole.

–Rosemary Beach, Florida

Overheard by: She’s still hotter than you, pal

Angry Texan guy being turned away at door: Pants? Pants? Who brings pants to Mexico?

–Formal restaurant, Cancun, Mexico

Overheard by: sheila

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Tigertail

Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!

–Coney Island, New York

Mom hands little boy a hot dog.

Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.

Dude to girlfriend buying him lunch: You know, you could be bangin’ if you’d just lose that fat ass!

–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois