Assholes

Jersey woman, to seagull: Get away, you lazy sonofabitch! Go find your own food! [to friends] Just like Mexicans.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Dan

Postman on cell: Yeah, I'm not a street gangsta–but I'm a gangsta in the house. I hold that shit down. Anybody can be all tough in the streets, but me, I got the house on lock.

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: Tigertail

Furious teenage boy to other teens: Just because you call “no-homo” before you do something doesn't mean it's not gay!

–Coney Island, New York

Mom hands little boy a hot dog.

Little boy: Oh, thank you, Lord!
Mother: I am not the Lord!
Little Boy: Well, thanks, Mom.
Mother: I hate you.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Sitting nearby, LOLing.

Dude to girlfriend buying him lunch: You know, you could be bangin’ if you’d just lose that fat ass!

–North Avenue Beach, Chicago, Illinois

Teen boy: Ugh. This tanning oil gets so hot! Maybe it will fry off my back zits. Hey, move over, I want to lay down so the sun will burn off my back zits.

–Beach, Rhode Island

Girl #1: That’s why I love the beach, there’s always someone in a bathing suit who looks worse than you!
Random beach dude: Sorry hun, today that’s just not the case.
Girl #2: Oh my god.

–Lake Ontario, New York

Drunk mother #1: I met him at a bar. He looked like George Clooney… But we’ll see.
Drunk mother #2: Wait, aren’t you dating someone?
Drunk mother #1: Not anymore. He just doesn’t know it yet.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

Drunk Spanish rock dude: This soap, it smells like penis.

–Santander, Spain

Overheard by: Murray

Really loud fat lady: Fat old guys drive nice cars to get with the young pretty girls.

–Public parking lot, Seaside, Oregon

Overheard by: Drewlicious