Tourist: Are you a lifeguard?
Lifeguard: No, I just bring this 12-foot wooden lifeguard stand with me wherever I go.

–Kennebunk, Maine

Overheard by: Mike

Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.

Mom walks over.

Mom: What is it?

–Popham Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Fitzy

Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Stephanie Wall

Tourist dad: Great communication, guys. Now I had to walk out here and get my feet all sandy.

–Ogunquit, Maine

Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.

–Wells Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Vee-licious

Lifeguard #1: So, what would you do if somebody came to you with a bat bite?
Lifeguard #2: Ummm… Clean up the wound, I guess.
Lifeguard #1: [Long pause] What would you do for someone with a clown bite?

–Echo Lake, Maine

Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?

–York Beach, Maine

Girl: I lost my butthole! Oh, wait, there it is!

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Misaki

WASP girl: I saw three of them, and they all looked the same. I think they were Mexicanese?

–Bar Harbor, Maine

Overheard by: dulcineaesq

Tourist, about the tide: Where does all the water go?

–Ogunquit Beach, Ogunquit, Maine

Overheard by: C’mon