John Merrick Comes on Thursdays, Though. Come Back Then

Girl #1: That’s why I love the beach, there’s always someone in a bathing suit who looks worse than you!
Random beach dude: Sorry hun, today that’s just not the case.
Girl #2: Oh my god.

–Lake Ontario, New York

Posted on August 3, 2023
Assholes, Bathing suits, Comebacks, Compare and contrast, Girls, New York, Physical Appearance

You, Not So Much

Teen girl #1: The sand is so hot!
Teen girl #2: That’s why God put the sand near the water.
Teen girl #1: God was a genius!

–Fair Haven Beach, New York

Overheard by: Jane

Posted on August 1, 2023
Compliments, Default, Girls, Gripes, Idiots, Nature, New York, Religion, Teens

I'll Take That Silence to Mean It's Been Your Lifelong Dream

Old short man: When was the last time you were with an old and short man?
19-year-old girl: (silence)

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Stephanie Wall

Posted on July 28, 2023
Age and ageing, Girls, Guys, Maine, Old folks, Physical Appearance, Questions, Sex, Time

I Thought that was a Discarded Breast Implant

Little girl staring at a plastic bag washing up on the beach: Ewww! Don’t let that touch me!
Mom: Don’t worry, honey. It can’t hurt you. It’s just a Jersey jellyfish.

–Union Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Brian

Posted on July 27, 2023
Feelings, Geography, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Moms, New Jersey

Gosh, I Miss Middle School.

Girl to friends on boardwalk: Were you there when that naked guy walked into the shower?!

–Jones Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: BGonz

Posted on July 26, 2023
Friends, Girls, New York, Physical Appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Weirdness

If Gilligan Could Have a Coconut Radio, Anything's Possible

Chubby man, kicking around the sand: Hey, have you guys seen a set of keys over here?
Asian girl: Um. No. Sorry.
Chubby man: Shit. I must have buried the car keys in the sand on accident. My wife’s gonna kill me.
Asian girl: I haven’t seen any keys, unfortunately.
Chubby man: Hey, do you think the beach has a Lost and Found box anywhere?

–Big Beach, Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Responsible Tourist

Posted on July 23, 2023
Asian people, Default, Girls, Guys, Hawaii, Offers and requests, Questions, Wishes

Either Way, She Will Grow Up to Be Much Sought After

Mom: What did that lady ask you?
Little girl, wearing “Cerveza With a Smile” shirt: She asked what my shirt said.
Mom: Do you know what it says?
Grandpa: Service with a smile.

–Cedar Point, Ohio

Overheard by: devin the artist

Posted on July 22, 2023
Family, Girls, Kids, Language Barrier, Moms, Ohio, Questions

You Should Start a Support Group.

Drunk girl #1: Oh my god, now I know what you mean about hooking up on a beach.
Drunk girl #2: What?
Drunk girl #1: The sand…it gets everywhere!
Drunk girl #2: Oh yeah, it is like all in my hair and my purse.
Drunk girl #1: No… I mean *everywhere*.
Drunk girl #2: What?
(pause)
Drunk girl #1: I have sand in my vagina!

–Naples, Florida