Hawaii

Guy on cell: Did you just say you killed somebody?!

–Waikiki, Hawaii

Overheard by: gavin

Girl #1: There are so many pale, fat guys here in Speedos.
Girl #2: It’s like they don’t care.
Girl #1: I know.
Girl #2: It’s so not like this in America.

–Waikiki, Hawaii

15-year-old to mother and sister: Two for the pink, one for the stink.
Mother, laughing: Who taught you that?
15-year-old: Dad.

–Boat in Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii

Overheard by: Pro Forced Sterilization

Mother: Danny, go ask those people for a lighter.
Son: Why, Mom?
Mother: So I can light my smoke, baby.
Son: I’m not your baby, and no! They are strange.
Mother: I’ll give you ten bucks.
Son: Okay!

–Shark’s Cove, Oahu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Hope

Bikini babe: She’s had sex before… but… like… only strap-on sex. So she’s totally a fake lesbian ’cause she still likes dick!

–Anna Bananas, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: just getting some beers

Woman #1: You really should have seen this guy's boobs, they were huge.
Woman #2: So he needed a bra?
Man #1: A bro.
Man #2 (with hands on hips, triumphantly): A manzier!
Woman #1: What he needed was some testosterone!

–Hawaii

Overheard by: Festivus for the Rest of Us

Pilot on PA: We’ll be making our final descent to Oahu International Airport shortly.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh my god! I thought we were going to Honolulu!
9-year-old boy nearby: Honolulu is the city on Oahu, you idiot.
Blonde cheerleader: Oh… Well, how am I supposed to know that?

–Plane to Hawaii

Overheard by: Derek

Little boy: Dad, why does that girl have her swim suit straps down like that?
Dad: So she doesn’t get tan lines on her shoulders. Yup, if your mom had those I never would’ve married her.

–Maui, Hawaii

Overheard by: Mindygotback

Drunk girl who just flashed her tits: Here, I’ll show you, but I know you’re going to laugh.
Bouncer: Like I’m gonna laugh at your ID — I just saw your tits!

–Outside Mercury Bar, Honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Here tits were pretty funny

Woman on surfboard to another: And now my husband wants me to play with his balls while I'm giving him a blowjob. Who does he think I am? I can't even do this! (tries to pat head and rub stomach at the same time)

–Flat Island, Kailua, Hawaii

Overheard by: TheHammstr