Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Millie

Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that’s bat poo.
Little boy: Batman’s poo?

–Byron Bay, Australia

Walking vendor: Oh, I know you! I fucked your sister on your front lawn! Your parents have a really bad grub problem. They should take care of that.

–Charlestown, Rhode Island

Girl: Am I going to have big boobs?
Flat‐chested mom: Um, probably not.
Girl: But boys like big boobs!
Flat‐chested mom: Only dumb boys do, because only dumb girls have big boobs.
Girl, after thinking for a minute: Grandma has huge ones.
Flat‐chested mom: Oooh, look at the pretty birds!

–Panama City Beach, Florida

Teenage girl #1: Wait, if there’s a Mrs. Claus and Santa, then how come he doesn’t have any kids?
Teenage girl #2: Well, all the children in the world are his kids.
Teenage girl #1: Santa’s kind of a pedophile if you think about it. Like, I’ll sneak into your house and give you presents if you love me.
Teenage girl #2: Yeah, ew.

–Misquamicit Beach, Rhode Island

Overheard by: Amanda

Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year‐Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!

–Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Catherine

Teen girl: What’cha doing, dad?
Father: Staring at the cow.
Teen girl (looking ahead): Where?
Father: In the water.
Teen girl (frantically looking at the sea): Where?!
Father: In my imagination.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: amused book‐reader

20‐something girl on cell: The baby‐changing room?! That’s horrid!

–Interislander Ferry, New Zealand

Overheard by: Sally

Girl to friend: I’ve been so tired and hungry lately.
Friend: Maybe you’re pregnant.
Girl: That’s not funny at all. I’m not pro‐abortion or anything, but I’d have to terminate that quick.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: Brittany

Girl that won’t stop talking: This looks a lot like my mother’s house, but the colors are more tropical because she’s Puerto Rican.

–North Florida

Overheard by: Amused