Girl #1: Oh, man! So, for Christmas my dad is letting me get my cartilidge pierced! I’m so excited!
Girl #2: Oh, man, that’s so cool! I want to get mine done, too.
Girl #1: Yeah, I’ll only ever get my ears pierced. Everything else is so gross and weird.
Girl #3: Yeah, well, I have my clit pierced — do you think that’s weird?
Girl #2: What’s a clit?
–Nags Head, North Carolina
JAP #1: Okay, seriously, he is the hottest senior ever.
JAP #2: Hah, yeah he is.
JAP #1: Like, you don’t understand — I would fuck his toe if he asked me to.
–Boca Beach Club, Boca Raton, Florida
Overheard by: lilly
Queer #1 reaching for sunscreen: Okay, I need someone to do my back!
Queer #2: Ewww.
Queer #1: Oh, shut up you skanky-ass, motherfucking whore!
–Cherry Grove Beach, Fire Island, New York
Overheard by: Marizzle
Guy: I just gave birth to a beach ball, and my wrist is sore.
Girl: It must work differently for guys.
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: Frenchie
Young mother #1: I am just so pissed that I have to wait until Wednesday to find out if I’m pregnant or not. I really want to go out drinking tonight.
Young mother #2: So? I never let that hold me back.
Young mother #1: Yeah, that’s gotta be why little Eric* has a third nipple.
–Sachuest Beach, Newport, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Rebecca
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy's tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Flabby mom in bikini, having picture taken with three kids: Honey, come stand in front of mommy's tummy.
–Penfield Beach, Fairfield, Connecticut
Upset teenage daughter to mother: Mom, I can't have sugar! (pause) What is “creme brulee,” anyways?
–Huntington Beach, California
Little girl #1: Britney*, what are you doing?
Little girl #2: Building sand boobies.
Little girl #1: You know, you can turn the boobies into testicles and we can make a giant sand penis.
Little girl #2: Okay, cool.
–Biloxi, Mississippi
Overheard by: Lori Lou Who
Female Hamptons yuppie: Tequila goes straight to my crotch.
–The Hamptons, New York
Overheard by: Mike
