Moms

Mother to crying six-year-old: No, honey, she didn’t mean it like that. ‘Nonsense’ is not a bad word.

–Compo Beach, Connecticut

Overheard by: trying not to laugh

Mom, holding bag of ashes: (whispers)
Girl: Mom, stop talking to dad! It's creepy.

–Huntington Beach, California

Mother to crying three-year-old: Billy, you need to work on your emotional fragility. Take a deep cleansing breath. You know, you are a sensitive and caring boy, and that's a strength. But right now it's a weakness and you need to stop it.

–Delaware

Mom: If you drown, I won’t save you. Don’t you dare get in that water!

Son runs into the ocean

Mom: Son of a bitch. He can’t swim, and my suit can’t get wet. Do I really have to choose, because this bikini was pretty damn expensive.

–Belle Harbor, Queens, New York

Girl on cell: Mom, I can't talk right now, I'm in the library. (pause) Yes. (pause) No, I can't talk, I'm studying.

–Blemar Beach, New Jersey

Girl: So, when Daddy said that his girlfriend was coming to stay the night it was a bad thing?
Mother: Yes, dear.
Girl: Does this mean I get two Christmases and two birthdays, like Ashlee?

–Parua Bay, New Zealand

Overheard by: naughtygurl

Girl #1: Did you hear we’re getting the lockers on the bottom row at school next year?
Girl #2: Oh, really? I hope I get someone hot on top of me.
Mother, just tuning in to conversation: What?!

–Williamstown Beach, Melbourne, Australia

Overheard by: knee coal

Muscle guy: Damn, that Lexus just hit that kid on a bike in front of Circle Pizza!
Blonde woman: Wait what? Was it one of mine?
Muscle guy: No, yours are jumping off the bridge.
Blonde woman: Oh, thank god.

–St Avalon, New Jersey

Overheard by: Himbo

Mom to kid: Shooting it up my ass?! Not a good idea!

–Jacksonville Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Laura L. Davis

Child: Does that man have an accent?
Mother: He might just be retarded.

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: Rex