Moms

Awesome mom #1: Yeah, so they were going to adopt this baby from China, but when they saw her she was ugly and they decided not to get her.
Awesome mom #2: Oh, really? That’s too bad.

–Ferry Beach, Maine

Overheard by: shawshank

Mom: Stop staring at that woman’s chest.
Tween boy: Dad said it’s okay to look as long as I don’t touch.
Mom: That’s why we aren’t married anymore.

–Jax Beach, Florida

Mother to toddler: Baby, don’t cough like that. People are going to think you have TB, and then no one will want to be your friend! [To friend] I probably shouldn’t tell her that, should I?
Friend: Probably not. You’re going to give her a complex.
Mother: Shit.

–Panama Beach, Florida

Overweight mother: I don't want to be a gladiator!

–Ocean City, Maryland

Little girl to mom: The seaweed tickles! It's like Baby Jesus is underwater, tickling my feet himself!

–Vero Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Incredulous

Kid #1: Mama, have you seen the bad guy?
Mom: Not today.
Kid #1: Is he here?
Mom: I don’t think so, no.
Kid #2: Where is he?
Mom: Well, if you don’t look for him, you’re not gonna find him!

–Malibu, California

Overheard by: Jessica B.

Child: Mommy, how old are you?
Mother: I am forty.
Child: [counting on fingers] Jeez, Mommy, you’re running out of numbers.

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Four-year-old girl, dropping cracker on the floor: Oh, shit!
Mother: Um…no, honey. Not here.

–Steamship Authority Martha's Vineyard Ferry, Massachusetts

Whiny little boy: Mo-ooom, it’s hot!
Mom: Stop that! Whining makes you hot.

–Isle of Palms, South Carolina

Overheard by: Laura and John

Mother to five-year-old son: If anything happens get help from a lifeguard. Mommy's gonna be at the bar.

–Blizzard Beach, Disney World, Florida