Moms

Little boy pointing to black woman: Look, Mom! It’s a chocolate lady!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Jane

Little boy, pointing to large drawing of a penis in the sand: Oh my God, that is disgusting. Dad, look, it’s disgusting!! Dad, do you know what it is?
Dad: Yes.

Mom walks over.

Mom: What is it?

–Popham Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Fitzy

Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!

–New Zealand

Toddler: Mom, we are the hermit crabs that are going to change the world.

–Monterey, California

Boy being changed on changing table (babbling): Bama amma bama.
Mother: Obama Obama Obama.

–Restroom, Royal Palm Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Penelope

Mom #1 (watching her boy): We originally chose the name Eric, but now I'm thinking we should just call him Rick.
Mom #2: But then he would be… Rick James?
Mom #1: Yes. I think it suits him better.
Little boy (running by): I'm Rick James, bitch!
Mom #1: Maybe we should just stay with Eric.

–Baker Beach, San Francisco

Little girl: The Navy’s the one with the boats, right?
Mom: I think so. Let’s ask that guy over there.

–Naval Academy, Annapolis, Maryland

Mom, while burying her four-year-old son in the sand: Yo, did you hear what he just said? He said “don't pat too hard or my balls will explode!”

–Rockaway Beach, New York

Overheard by: That's why I'm scared to have kids

Little girl staring at a plastic bag washing up on the beach: Ewww! Don’t let that touch me!
Mom: Don’t worry, honey. It can’t hurt you. It’s just a Jersey jellyfish.

–Union Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Brian

Mom in bikini: She's had an on-and-off boyfriend since september, and it's been nothing but drama. I'm trying to get her to stop answering his calls. He's trouble. He overdosed in October and he hasn't passed a class in four years. One time he called her cell phone from a number that wasn't his, and she asked whose phone he was calling from, and he said, “your house phone.” He sneaked into our house when no one was home!
Mom in one-piece: Maybe you should think about a restraining order.
Mom in bikini: Well…
(phone rings: it's the daughter)
Mom in bikini: No! I told you not to answer his calls! And do not call him back! If you call him back, his mother will go to the police! She called me today and told me they're thinking about taking out a restraining order against you!

–Belmar, New Jersey