Old folks

Older woman: You don’t remember me, do you?
Young woman: Nope.
Older woman: You lived next door to me when you lived with your aunt in Salem!
Young woman: Salem?
Older woman: Salem, New Hampshire.
Young woman: I don’t have an aunt in Salem.
Older woman: Oh, come on, don’t you remember?
Young woman: I never lived in New Hampshire. I have lived in Maine my whole life.
Older woman, sarcastically: Yeah…Okay.

–Wells Beach, Maine

Overheard by: Vee‐licious

Old cougar: It was good ole fashioned hanky panky. Fun, but definitely not worth all the sand that got up there.


Old woman #1: So did you get that dirty book I was talking about?
Old woman #2: No, I couldn’t find it. They don’t sell them at Barnes and Noble. I have to look on Amazon.
Old woman #1: The one I read is really graphic. This girl is this room, watching two people doing it.
Old woman #2: Yeah, I’m saving some of them to read on the plane ride.

–Sandy Hook, New Jersey

Overheard by: caySAYhey

Trendy Asian chick: I’ve seen a lot of transvestites in my day, but only one with a beard.
Old, well‐dressed Mexican man: He must have forgotten to shave.

–Newport Beach, California

Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There’s no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.

–Key West, Florida

Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield

Old man: I think it’s too late to swim, the oil is washing up on the beach.
Old woman: Yeah, it’s too late for a lot of things now.
Old man: We should move back to Detroit. It’s less polluted.
Old woman: I don’t want to die in Detroit. Remember, we had this conversation already.

–Pier, St Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: Sandy Paws

Older guy: We had dinner there earlier in the week. I got food poisoning.
Young kayaking guide: Really? Was it good?

–York Beach, Maine

Old lady: This isn’t a nude beach!
Young lady, sunbathing topless and feigning surprise: Oh, really? Oh, okay…

–Auckland, New Zealand

Overheard by: Shakira

Elderly lady: Come now, y’all! Key West is gonna be loads of fun! They gots the Ripley’s and Cuban people!

–Lido deck, The Carnival Glory, Key West

Overheard by: y’all need an icepack on dat thang?

Grandma: So aren’t you coming to visit me in 3 weeks.
Granddaughter: No, like 2 weeks and 6 days.

–Fort Lauderdale, Florida