Friends

Middle-aged guy #1: I’m gettin’ old, buddy.
Middle-aged guy #2: We’re all gettin’ old.
Middle-aged guy #1: Yeah, but first I was just gettin’ too tired to have sex, so I was jerkin’ off a lot. Now I’m too tired to even jerk off.
Middle-aged guy #2: Shut up. You’re getting me depressed.

–Boardwalk, Long Beach, New York

Overheard by: Big Larry

Bitchy friend: … So then we took a vote, and you’re the biggest slut out of all of us.
Girl: But I’m the only virgin.
Bitchy friend: We know.

–Kingston Beach, Washington

Blonde: So my mom fucked me last night.
Friend: She what?
Blonde: You know, held up her middle finger…
Friend: Um…

–Malibu, California

Teenage girl: Rosie O'Donnell has multiple personality disorder.
Friend: I thought she was a lesbian.

–Starbucks, La Jolla, California

Overheard by: …Which are mutually exclusive.

White trash girl to friend: Whatever, I'm on my period, so I'm not even worried about it.
Gay male friend: You can still get pregnant on your period, I think.
(awkward silence)
White trash girl, laughing: You are such a fucking retard.

–Wildwood, New Jersey

Overheard by: Ryan L

Young child, chasing friends: The only way to kill fish is by using acid! The only way to kill fish is by using acid!

–Jetty, South Australia

30 something guy standing at bar: So she asked me if I had ever slept with a stripper.
Friend: What did you say?
30 something guy: I told her the truth… I said “yeah, I slept with a stripper, of course.”

–Austin, Texas

Blond woman, wrapping towel around her waist: I feel like my thighs are too fat to be at the beach.
Gay friend: Well, shit, now they look like they're in a sausage casing. Downgrade.

–Palmetto, Boca Raton, Florida

College student to friend: I watch less porn when I have a girlfriend…I don’t know why.

–Daytona Beach, Florida

[Guy on Harley drives by with Pat Benatar’s “Love Is a Battlefield” blasting.]Chubby girl #1: What the hell?
Chubby girl #2: That was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.

–Bookfair, St. Petersburg, Florida

Overheard by: Jamie