Time

Hootchie #1: You can totally see my ass-crack in these jeans — what do you think?
Hootchie #2: Ass-crack is the new cleavage.

–San Diego, California

Overheard by: AP

Guy, reading back of girl’s shirt, which says “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere”: I love that t-shirt! 5 cocks!

–Cherry Grove, Fire Island, New York

Overheard by: Tom Johnson

Tanned girl: That’s not tanning lotion. That’s brown paint.
Pale girl: Well, it cost me $80 so it better get me your color. Besides, it says Tahitian women have been using it for years!
Tanned girl: Yeah, and Tahitian women have been having syphilis for years, too.

–Sporting Beach Club, Beirut, Lebanon

Overheard by: Nicolien

Pale tourist: Hey, do you have the time?
Bronzed local child: Sure, mister! It’s 12:45.
Pale tourist: Is that Eastern Standard Time?
Bronzed local child, sarcastically: No. It’s local time in Pango-Pango.

–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: Geobaldi

Guy: Would you like something to wipe off with?
Girl: No, I prefer to be covered in sand and cum.
Guy: Great! Same time tomorrow?

–Hollywood, Florida

Overheard by: Miles Highclub

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?

Little girl walking along shore doesn’t look at him.

Little boy: Hey! What’s your name?!

Little girl looks at boy but continues walking.

Little boy: What’s your name?! What’s your naaaaame?!
Mother of girl: It’s Jade.

Mother whispers to girl and points in boy’s direction, but girl continues walking in other direction.

Surfer dude: Yeah, kid, you can only expect more of that as you get older.

–Pomano Beach, Florida

Bimbette to friend: Why is it so cold? It’s a beach!
Passerby: Yeah, a beach in November… Dipshit.

–Ocean City, Maryland

Overheard by: dr. obvious

Young woman on cell: Okay, well, I’m leaving before he sees the blood.

–Minnetonka Beach, Minnesota

Overheard by: buddy

Teenage boy: Well, last time I was here I got arrested…

–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire

Overheard by: arc

Early 30s woman: I was feeling bad, like I wasn’t on schedule or something. Then I saw who she was marrying and I didn’t feel so bad.

–Lake Michigan, Illinois

Overheard by: Midwest Values