Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I'll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I'm about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Young Boy: Mommy Mommy, they have Nemo in that fish tank!
Mom: Honey, Nemo’s dead.

–Antigua, the Caribbean

Overheard by: Ollie

20-something girl: We can't make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Man to friends: He's a pyromaniac from way back.

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bonnie

Mother to five-year-old: I don't want to hear your shit!

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Luminesce

Young kid: Awww look, you were right. Now I don’t get to punch you.

–Vero Beach, Florida

Professor to group of girls covered in whitish goo: What happened to you?
Girl #1: Egg sac war.
Girl #2 and Girl #3: Yeah.
Professor: … Ugh.
Guy: I love this class.

–Fort DeSoto Beach, Florida

Overheard by: There’s nothing like lab in the field

Drunk camper: If that dude actually comes back with a fish and starts slapping people with it, I’m leaving this island. That is just way more intensity than I am prepared to deal with.

–Lake George, New York

Overheard by: Sneaker