Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!
–Newport Beach, California
Overheard by: Millie
Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.
–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth.
–In‐N‐Out Burger, Long Beach, California
Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?
–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana
Overheard by: Breet
Six‐year‐old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.
–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York
Overheard by: PrairieSquid
Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year‐Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!
–Howell, Michigan
Overheard by: Catherine
Little boy: I’m hungry.
Mother: Okay, we will eat in a few minutes.
Little boy: I want to cut your arm off!
–Blue Water Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Lydia
Mother taking away son’s boogie board: Enough, time to leave and go home.
Young son: You don’t deserve a child!
–Sea Isle City, New Jersey
Overheard by: Gaby Young
Four‐year‐old boy: Wild for penis! Wild for penis! Wild for penis!
–Long Island Beach Club, Long Island, New York
10‐year‐old boy to younger brother: All mother nature gave you is a bag of shit.
–North Padre, Texas
