Should've used a condom

Little girl, very afraid of the toilet: No!
Girl’s frustrated mother: Go to the bathroom. It’s not going to hurt you. I promise!
Girl: No!
Mother: Please! I’ll be standing right here. Nothing will happen.
Girl: No no no no no!
Mother: Goddammit, Kylie! You can’t hold you poop in forever!

–Newport Beach, California

Overheard by: Millie

Kid #1: [Inaudible.]Kid #2: That’s the noise your mom made when I punched her in the eye with my dick.

–Beach restroom, Grand Haven, Michigan

Angry mother: Wash your damn hands!
Dirty son: No!
Angry mother: Wash your damn hands, Justin!
Dirty son: [Sticks his hands in the clogged sink.]Angry mother: Use the fucking soap. You just gave the dog his medicine in his butt.
Dirty son: No way, I already stuck my hands in my mouth.

–In‐N‐Out Burger, Long Beach, California

Man: Remember to say no to crack, Joseph. Okay?
Little boy: Huh?

–Indiana Dunes State Park, Indiana

Overheard by: Breet

Six‐year‐old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.

–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Woman on phone: It’s been so long since I have gone out on a date, I think I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be a woman.
4‑Year‐Old son, indignantly: You ain’t a woman! You’re my mother!

–Howell, Michigan

Overheard by: Catherine

Little boy: I’m hungry.
Mother: Okay, we will eat in a few minutes.
Little boy: I want to cut your arm off!

–Blue Water Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Lydia

Mother taking away son’s boogie board: Enough, time to leave and go home.
Young son: You don’t deserve a child!

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Gaby Young

Four‐year‐old boy: Wild for penis! Wild for penis! Wild for penis!

–Long Island Beach Club, Long Island, New York

10‐year‐old boy to younger brother: All mother nature gave you is a bag of shit.

–North Padre, Texas