Man: … So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash… And I walked up to him and said, ‘Give me that goat!’
–Restaurant, Mammoth, California
Man: … So I just walked out of there with two heads of cabbages and a hand full of cash… And I walked up to him and said, ‘Give me that goat!’
–Restaurant, Mammoth, California
Dude #1: I bet I can make Jill* show us her cooter right here on the beach.
Dude #2: No way.
Dude #1: Twenty bucks says I can.
Dude #2: You’re on.
Dude #1: Hey, Jill, I hear you have a tattoo above your vagina that says ‘Come on in.‘
Jill: What?! What kind of skank do you think I am?
Dude #1: Well, I don’t. That’s what I heard.
Jill: Okay, I’ll show you when we get back to the room.
Dude #1: You’ll forget. Do it now. No one’s watching. [Jill lowers her bikini bottom.] I’m going to tell that person to stop telling lies about you.
–Destin, Florida
Salesman: Gringo, gringo. Mexican wrestling mask, Nacho Libre!
Guy: No, dude, sorry. I already bought two today.
Salesman: Señorita, one for you?
Girl: Um, no, thanks.
Salesman: Come on… it will be something different for tonight!
Girl: If I wanted something different, we’d be at the farmacia buying Cialis.
–Puerto Nuevo, Mexico
Middle‐aged guy: Nah, it’s never worth it if you don’t get laid. I mean, I could’ve gotten two hookers for that much!
–Lake Calhoun, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Overheard by: boris the blade
Preppy college girl: I don’t know — I think it would be kind of glamorous to be poor!
–Pennfield Beach, Connecticut
Overheard by: Quirky Corky
50‐something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50‐something woman: Well, I don’t want the key lime pie, that’s fifth on a list of five options.
20‐something woman #1: Well, why don’t we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50‐something woman: I want everyone to eat what I’m eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20‐something woman #2: Oh my god. I’m leaving.
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
Girl: Well, you get like half his money when you divorce!…And he’s in med school now. Alls I’m sayin’ is you should wait a few years.
–Folly Beach, South Carolina
