Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: K
Chick on cell: Yeah, we got a ticket for going 80 miles per hour on the way here, though. Wanna know why? We were trying to catch up to a giant truck full of chickens!
–Ocean City, Maryland
Overheard by: K
Ghetto girl: …And so I broke up with him because he kept getting robbed. He had all these shady friends, ya know? It was like we’d wake up and the television and the shower curtain would be gone.
–Misquamicut Beach, Rhode Island
16-year-old on phone: So he tried to sell you heroin?
–North Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: That guy
Daughter to mother: You yell at me for saying ‘munted,’ ‘fucked,’ ‘wasted,’ and ‘shafted,’ because you say they all mean ‘having sex.’ So for the love of god, when you tell that story will you stop saying you were ‘stiffed’ by an old lady?!
–New Zealand
Man on cell: Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady.
–Marine World, Vallejo, California
Overheard by: Keena Burt
Local guy: Ted Kennedy hit my car and just drove off. But, you know, that guy’s always been so arrogant.
–Nantucket, Massachusetts
Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can’t be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn’t even have tits.
Perv #1: I’m not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.
–Island Beach State Park, New Jersey
Overheard by: Steve
Dude: I didn’t steal the Bentley. I hijacked it.
Girl: [Slaps him.]
–Oean Isle, North Carolina
Mom in bikini: She's had an on-and-off boyfriend since september, and it's been nothing but drama. I'm trying to get her to stop answering his calls. He's trouble. He overdosed in October and he hasn't passed a class in four years. One time he called her cell phone from a number that wasn't his, and she asked whose phone he was calling from, and he said, “your house phone.” He sneaked into our house when no one was home!
Mom in one-piece: Maybe you should think about a restraining order.
Mom in bikini: Well…
(phone rings: it's the daughter)
Mom in bikini: No! I told you not to answer his calls! And do not call him back! If you call him back, his mother will go to the police! She called me today and told me they're thinking about taking out a restraining order against you!
–Belmar, New Jersey
