Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
Tourist: Excuse me, are we at the right beach?
Local: Umm…
Tourist: We want to go to the beach where you can see the Golden Gate Bridge.
Local: It’s right there.
Tourist: Where?
Local: Why am I talking to you again?
–San Francisco, California
40-something woman: You're from Turkey? What language do they speak there?
Turkish guy: Uh… Turkish.
40-something woman: There's a language called Turkish? Really? Do a lot of people speak it?
Turkish guy: Well, yeah, more than a thousand years ago in central Asia…
40-something woman, interrupting: Chinese people speak Turkish? I didn't know that!
–Vancouver, Canadia
Pompous failed astronomer: So, the reason there was a half moon last night was that the Earth gets in between the sun and the moon [arranges water bottles to demonstrate]. It’s kind of like an eclipse, but the Earth only covers half the moon, so you see the rest.
Chick: Oh, okay. Interesting.
Pompous failed astronomer: It’s really just thinking logically. Something has to cast a shadow on the moon.
–Bethany Beach, Delaware
Overheard by: not the only one laughing at him
Fat black girl running in bikini: Yo, bitch, why you didn’t tell me my titty was hangin’ out?! Shit!
Innocent, spooked bystander girl: What?!
Fat black girl running in bikini: Never mind, bitch!
–Brighton Beach, New York
Parking lot attendant: Thirty dollars.
Woman: Last time I was here, you charged me five dollars.
Parking lot attendant: I should be charging you the same amount as it is degrees outside. I should be charging you like ninety three dollars.
–Hampton Beach, New Hampshire
Overheard by: arc, mich
Bimbette looking at guy reading GRE study guide: What’s that?
Guy: Huh? [Bimbette points to title.] It’s a test I need to take to get my Master’s. [Bimbette looks confused.] It’s like the SATs for graduate school.
Bimbette: So you’re, like, smart and shit. [Guy stares at her and then walks away.]
–St. Pete Beach, Florida
Overheard by: Chicagoan in FL
Man at parents’ 25th wedding anniversary party: Without my parents, I don’t know where I’d be today.
Random guest: In a Kleenex!
–Party boat, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
Overheard by: Big Larry
Waiter to customer: Sir, you just missed her. She looks hotter. She just got a transplant.
–South Padre Island, Texas
Big-boobed lady to a man’s wife: Yes, they’re real. Would you like to feel for yourself? You’re staring at them more than your husband is.
–New Smyrna Beach, Florida
Overheard by: trying not to make like I was listening
Banana vendor: Bananas… Bananas… Two for a dollar! Bananas…
Topless girl in string bikini bottom: But I just need one…
Banana vendor: Why don’t you eat the other one?
–South Korea
