Little girl: Who would kick someone else’s kid?!

–The Grotto, Tobermory, Ontario, Canadia

Overheard by: Lorraine

Loud girl #1 using knife: Man, this is sharp!
Loud girl #2: Yeah, that’s because it’s meant to stab people!
Loud girl #2’s boyfriend: No, it’s not…

–Pensacola Beach, Santa Rosa Island, Florida

Overheard by: pretending to read a research article

Girl: Stop being so hostile.
Boy: I'm not, I'm just angry and annoyed. What does “hostile” mean?

–South Beach, Miami, Florida

Overheard by: HH

Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.

–Old Orchard Beach, Maine

Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Overheard by: beach*blonde

Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!

–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Woman, smacking her son over the head: Don’t hit your friends!

–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey

Overheard by: Herbie McHebrew

Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!

–Playa Del Rey, CA

Black woman to toddler running wild: Tyrone, get yo' black ass over here or I will spank you like a white man!

–Venice Beach, Los Angeles, California

Overheard by: White girl

Girl #1: Yeah, and then I threw a book and it hit her in the throat. I was like, “hi-ya!”
Girl #2: Oh, why didn't you text me afterwards?
Girl #1: I was busy because then I threw one at her stomach. “Hi-ya!” Times four!

–Cape Cod, Massachusetts