Little boy to mom: Don’t touch me! Only Daddy can touch me. [Mom picks boy up.] I’m going to make Daddy spank you right on your bottom!
–Virginia Beach, Virginia
Six-year-old girl: Hey! Don't throw sand at me! How would you like it if I threw sand at you? Huh?
Six-year-old boy: Go ahead, I dare you. I wouldn't care, I like the sand. I'll lay down in it right now if you want. Now shut up, and keep digging.
–Fairfield Beach, Ohio
Overheard by: SHU friends
Loud girl #1 using knife: Man, this is sharp!
Loud girl #2: Yeah, that’s because it’s meant to stab people!
Loud girl #2’s boyfriend: No, it’s not…
–Pensacola Beach, Santa Rosa Island, Florida
Overheard by: pretending to read a research article
Teen: What’s Hezbollah?
Dad: Well, it’s hard to explain. They’re a terrorist paramilitary organization, but they’re also a humanitarian social services organization. They’re sort of like the Super Wal-Mart of the Middle East.
–Old Orchard Beach, Maine
Four-year-old southerner: Dad! We should cut up a fish! We should cut up a fish and watch it bleed!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Overheard by: beach*blonde
Quick-walking woman leaving voice mail: Hey, it’s me. I need you to call me as soon as you get this. I have never wanted to chop someone’s dick off as much I as I do right now. He is a low-down lying piece of shit, and I hope he fucking dies. I mean, a fucking tractor-trailer could run his fucking sonofabitch ass over and I would be perfectly fine. Okay, talk to you soon, I love you!
–Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Woman, smacking her son over the head: Don’t hit your friends!
–Point Pleasant Beach, New Jersey
Overheard by: Herbie McHebrew
Man riding away on bike: Oh ya, why don’t you come over here and do something about it? Eat shit and fuck your mom!
–Playa Del Rey, CA
