20-something girl: We can't make Eric a “sorry you got raped” cake anymore.

–Ocean City, New Jersey

Man to friends: He's a pyromaniac from way back.

–Sea Isle City, New Jersey

Overheard by: Bonnie

Mother to five-year-old: I don't want to hear your shit!

–Seaside Heights, New Jersey

Overheard by: Luminesce

Young kid: Awww look, you were right. Now I don’t get to punch you.

–Vero Beach, Florida

Professor to group of girls covered in whitish goo: What happened to you?
Girl #1: Egg sac war.
Girl #2 and Girl #3: Yeah.
Professor: … Ugh.
Guy: I love this class.

–Fort DeSoto Beach, Florida

Overheard by: There’s nothing like lab in the field

Drunk camper: If that dude actually comes back with a fish and starts slapping people with it, I’m leaving this island. That is just way more intensity than I am prepared to deal with.

–Lake George, New York

Overheard by: Sneaker

Kid: Wouldn't it suck if you had a boogie board with razor blades on it? It'd be like weeeee-aahhhhhhhh!

–Santa Monica, California

Guy sharing Ferris wheel with family: Good thing they fixed this cart, it was broken yesterday.
Old lady: Have you ever been slapped by a complete stranger?

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: girl #1

Man: Come back in the water with me.
Boy: No. You tried to drown me! You almost killed me!
Man: Well. You shouldn't have kicked me.
Boy: Kickin' someone in the ding-dong ain't gonna kill them.
Man: It might.

–Destin, Florida

Attitude woman: The one with the most gets crowned King or Queen.
Flippant woman: Okay, crowns sure, but the part about being drenched in pig blood and killing everyone in the gymnasium remains unspoken.

–Tampa, Florida

Overheard by: nan moran