As for the Blood Drinking, You’re on Your Own

Girl: I really wish I was a vampire, then I could suck people’s blood.
Friend: (completely silent)
Girl: That was kinda creepy sounding, wasn’t it?
Friend: Well, I mean, it’s not a bad thing to like biting people, but it is kinda frowned on to mention it…

–Hawaii

Posted on April 25, 2023
Friends, Girls, Hawaii, Questions, Violence, Weirdness, Wishes

Being a Lifeguard Can Get Pretty Boring

Lifeguard, replacing new in‐service flags: We should have flags with skull and crossbones on them. That way, when someone comes and asks what the flag is for we can say, “oh there’s a 50% chance of a pirate attack, you probably want to leave the beach.”

–Huguenot Beach, Jacksonville, Florida

Posted on April 15, 2023
Comebacks, Florida, Lifeguards, Threats, Violence

When Daddy Did That to Mommy He Was Half‐Kidding, Honey

Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Posted on April 10, 2023
Animals, California, Compliments, Dads, Kids, Questions, Violence

When Daddy Did That to Mommy He Was Half‐Kidding, Honey

–Goleta Beach, California

Posted on April 10, 2023
Animals, California, Compliments, Dads, Kids, Questions, Violence

A Lesson Every Proper Young Lady Must Eventually Learn

Girl #1: You need to learn to give off a “piss off” vibe. Follow my lead.
Girl #2 (to drunk groping her): If you fucking touch me one more time I’ll cut off your balls!
Girl #1: Or just do that…

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Posted on April 5, 2023
Australia, Body parts, Drinking, Girls, Threats, Violence

Maybe They’ll Shame Me Out Of My Little Hissy Fit

Guy on cell: Dude, you gotta come down here…I’m about to jump in the ocean and scream at the universe and I want you to help me! (pause) Okay, yeah, send the brown people down.

–Miami Beach, Florida