Girl: Oh my god, the water is so cold! I think my vagina is numb.
Guy: I hate when that happens.
–Grand Haven, Michigan
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl: Oh my god, the water is so cold! I think my vagina is numb.
Guy: I hate when that happens.
–Grand Haven, Michigan
Overheard by: Lisa
Girl to boyfriend: All I have to do is finish this project, and I got my degree!
Boyfriend: You know what’s a degree? Your vagina!
–Gulf Coast University, Florida
Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?
–Carolina Beach, North Carolina
Redneck girl: Frank was out fishing with the guy who drowned yesterday.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he try to save him?
Redneck girl: No, he was fishing — I told you. He thought he had one on the line.
Redneck boyfriend: Did he?
Redneck girl: No, it was just the water.
Redneck boyfriend: I thought you were gonna say it was the guy who drowned.
–Holland State Park, Michigan
Overheard by: Townie
Nagging mother to adult daughter, after sniping at her all afternoon: Your best attribute used to be your personality. But with the life you lead, now it’s dead.
Adult daughter’s husband, without looking up from newspaper: It’s not dead, it’s just asleep.
–Maguire’s Landing, Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Overheard by: oysterwoman
50‐something woman: I want the tiramisu for my birthday cake!
Husband: Well, the restaurant says they only have individual portions, not a big thing. That would be expensive for eleven people.
50‐something woman: Well, I don’t want the key lime pie, that’s fifth on a list of five options.
20‐something woman #1: Well, why don’t we get a pie for everyone else, and a tiramisu for you?
50‐something woman: I want everyone to eat what I’m eating in commemoration of my birthday!
20‐something woman #2: Oh my god. I’m leaving.
–Holden Beach, North Carolina
Overheard by: Audrey
Girlfriend: Why are you all pissed off?
Boyfriend: Some days you don’t say shit to me, and then when I’m in a bad mood, you go and say some dumb shit out ya face.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Dano
Girlfriend: Oh my God, I totally look like Paris Hilton.
Boyfriend: Yeah, you’re an overtanned, skinny skank.
Girlfriend, excitedly: I know!!
–Shelly Beach, New South Wales, Australia
Little old lady, stumbling on the boardwalk with her husband: Oh my goodness! There’s no railing on the edge? What? Someone could just fall right off! If they were as drunk as me, anyways.
–Key West, Florida
Overheard by: Caroline Oldfield
Guy to couple: Hi!
Blonde wife: See, they’re nice here, not like in California.
–Santa Cruz, California
Overheard by: cherry picker
