Stoned surfer #1: Hey, remember that time when that shoe washed up that had a foot in in it?
Stoned surfer #2: Oh, yeah! And that dog got it and was running around with it and wouldn’t let anyone have it? That was hilarious.
Stoned surfer #1: Totally.

–Bolinas, California

Overheard by: didn’t think it was hilarious then or now

Dirty surfer to disinterested hippie girl: I mean, I do something for the military that nobody else does, no one has ever been able to do. It’s tracking a submarine, underwater, tracking exactly where it is and where it goes, without using sonar, or any technology, or detection devices. They don’t know how I do it, and I won’t tell them, but I do it. I’ve won awards for it.

–Ala Moana Blvd. honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: mel

Crackhead: Yeah, I’m kind of known around here as the sheriff of the North Shore.
Local guy: Yeah? Well, then I’m the mayor.
Passing Australian surfer: I want to be prime minister. 

–Sunset Beach, Oahu, Hawaii

Overheard by: Jehan

Stoned surfer: I decided that I won’t eat fish anymore, because if I don’t eat them, they won’t eat me.

–Long Beach Island, New Jersey

Surfer dude to flabby, uninterested friend: Are you seeing this? That seagull is frickin’ staring me down. Look at him. Are you looking at him? He’s giving me the eye. That motherfucker is going to shit on me at some point today, and he wants me to know it.

–Ocean Beach, California

Teenage surfer to dad: You’re too old to get high!

–La Jolla, California

Girl to surfer boy: If your dick is big as this ice cream I’ll throw the ice cream in the trash and lick your dick!

–Santa Monica, California

Teen guy, to group of pretty girls: Oh my god, that wave was 6 foot 4. That’s my height, I’m 6 foot 4!

–Cornwall, England

Overheard by: Beth

Japanese tourist #1 with wet suit on backwards: Hello!
Local surfer: You speak English?
Japanese tourist #2: Yes, yes!
Local surfer: Good. Get the fuck out of here!

–The Hook, Santa Cruz, California

Overheard by: Chrissy

Surfer bro: Wait, isn’t Barack Obama one‐half Jamaican?

–Santa Cruz, California