Surfers

Unshaven surfer on cell: No, no, no! Do you want me to bring Schnitzel?

–Bondi Beach, Australia

Surfer: It’s questions like these that you have to look to the Bible for answers. Like, what would Jesus do in a line-up like this? He’d fuck people up, that’s what He’d do!

–Shell Beach, California

Overheard by: One of the masses in the line up

Cute surfer: So, how’s it going? Did you go out with her again?
Really cute surfer: Oh, no, she’s traveling, but I’m waiting for her to come back.
Cute surfer: You’re really into her, right? I thinks she’s hot.
Really cute surfer: Yeah, she’s amazing.
Cute surfer: Have you, like, talked to her about going out again?
Really cute surfer: Yeah, kinda… [Looking away and waving] Hey, dude, stop talking about it. My girlfriend is coming.
Cute surfer: Oh, okay [smiles and waves to girl].

–Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Overheard by: And I thought he was cute

Texan: Yo! Dude, the waves are so huge! I just broke my longboard in two an’ almost got killed… that was awesome!

–Puerto Plata, Dominican Republic

Worried surfer: I’ve been out here four hours and my knob still hasn’t changed color!

–Coogee Beach, Sydney, Australia

Surfer girl #1, sitting on board in the ocean: I hope it doesn't rain, I really don't want my hair to get wet.
Surfer girl #2: Do you listen to yourself when you speak?
Surfer girl #1: I tune in and out.

–One Mile Beach, Australia

Overheard by: Jess

Surfer dude: Dude, you just don’t know how long a foot is until you see it in a hot dog.

–Mission Bay Beach, San Diego, California

Stoned surfer #1: Sharks never attack people unless you, like, swim around with a bloody, severed leg tied around your neck.
Stoned surfer #2: Yeah, or like a severed arm or a dead monkey or something.

–Bolinas, California

Stoned surfer #1: Hey, remember that time when that shoe washed up that had a foot in in it?
Stoned surfer #2: Oh, yeah! And that dog got it and was running around with it and wouldn’t let anyone have it? That was hilarious.
Stoned surfer #1: Totally.

–Bolinas, California

Overheard by: didn’t think it was hilarious then or now

Dirty surfer to disinterested hippie girl: I mean, I do something for the military that nobody else does, no one has ever been able to do. It's tracking a submarine, underwater, tracking exactly where it is and where it goes, without using sonar, or any technology, or detection devices. They don't know how I do it, and I won't tell them, but I do it. I've won awards for it.

–Ala Moana Blvd. honolulu, Hawaii

Overheard by: mel