Dads

Little boy: Ew, dad! Look! Dog poo!
Father: No, I think that’s bat poo.
Little boy: Batman’s poo?

–Byron Bay, Australia

Kid, looking out at the Atlantic ocean: Is that the ocean?
Dad: I think it’s one of the great lakes.

–Boardwalk, Atlantic City, New Jersey

Son: These are pretty good.
Dad: Yeah, they’re not bad if you soak them in your mouth like sausage.

–Nauset Light Beach, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Rebecca Anna Smith

Mother: Both of my daughters are allowed to marry Orlando Bloom if they ever want to. That is one gorgeous boy.
Father: Who’s Orlando Bloom?
Daughter #1: An elf.
Mother: No, he’s not.
Daughter #2: Yes, he is — he was Legolas in the Lord of the Rings.
Father: The elf was played by a black man?

–Carolina Beach, North Carolina

Little girl, pointing at a couple making out: Hey! Look, daddy! We have to stop and stare now.
Dad: Shh! No, sweetie. What they are doing is rude, but staring is rude too.

–Bethany Beach, Delaware

Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Daughter, holding crab: Oh, daddy, it’s so cute. Can I keep it?
Father: No, honey, it’s too small.
Daughter: No, daddy, I want it for a pet.
Father: It has to live in the ocean, honey. We have to let it go.
Daughter: But, daddy, I love it. Can’t I keep it?
Father: No, baby.
Daughter: Daddy?
Father: Yes, honey?
Daughter: Can I step on it?

–Goleta Beach, California

Six‐year‐old boy: I had to take a second year of kindergarten.
Dad: Just like your old man.

–Point Lookout Beach, Long Island, New York

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Teen girl: What’cha doing, dad?
Father: Staring at the cow.
Teen girl (looking ahead): Where?
Father: In the water.
Teen girl (frantically looking at the sea): Where?!
Father: In my imagination.

–Miami Beach, Florida

Overheard by: amused book‐reader

Dad to child about whale bone on display: They got that from Cape Cod’s biggest peregrine falcon monkey. It’s one of the teeth.

–Wellfleet Bay Audubon Center, Cape Cod, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Anatomist Wannabe