Girl #1: That motherfucker is totally going to hit us with his ball.
Girl #2: Assholes… They just don’t know how to act.
Girl #1: Yeah, man. Shit, where’s my top?

–Atlantic City, New Jersey

Hippie girl: Hey, how’s Stone?
Hippie guy: You know — he’s Stone… Oh, wait! He started wearing shoes!
Hippie girl: Well, that is a change!

–Maui, Hawaii

Little girl: Daddy! Guess what I am supposed to be!
Dad: You are a crab.
Little girl: Right! Okay, Daddy, now it’s your turn.

Dad sits there, talking to his wife.

Little girl: Daddy! You are supposed to be something!
Dad: I am. I am being a cool guy.

–Horseshoe Bay Ferry Terminal, Vancouver, Canadia

19‐year‐old boy: I want to make a shirt that says “Keep Allah out of downtown New York” and wear it to Ground Zero.

–Jones Beach, New York

Overheard by: Couldn’t Agree More

Woman, buying concert t‑shirt: How do these run? Big? Small?
Salesman: Well, they run a little small so I usually get a bigger size.
Woman: No, no. I have just had liposuction all down my back so I want mine to be really tight.

–Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: SusanPC

Trendy overdressed girl: Oh my god, did you see all those teenagers lurking outside? They think they’re so fucking cool! God!
Trendy overdressed guy: I know.
Trendy overdressed girl: It’s like, ever since we turned 20, I can’t believe we ever hung out with people like that.

–Long Beach, California

Overheard by: 22‐year‐old who’s glad she never hung out with either of them

Male tourist speaking in German: Look at that guy’s Speedo!
Female tourist speaking in German: Eeew. And his friend really needs to shave his back.
Male tourist speaking in German: I am so glad no one understands what we are saying.
Female tourist speaking in German: I know!

–South Beach, Florida

Overheard by: German‐speaker

Woman: That bitch must have one of those fun house mirrors that she looks thin in, because that ass in that suit is just wrong, wrong, wrong.

–Playa Del Carmen, Mexico 

30‐ish guy #1: I see you’re sporting the side ponytail.
30‐ish girl: Just for you!
30‐ish guy #2: Yeah, I bet you’re gonna jack off to that side ponytail.
30‐ish guy #1: No! I jack off to the idea of the side ponytail. They’re coming back, I tell ya!

–Summerfest, Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Overheard by: the only sober person there

Girl: Do you hipsters wear glasses?
Boy: Only if it’s not necessary.

–Coney Island, New York

Overheard by: Paperback Writer